The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Return of Happy Spangler (1962)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : That could be Hap Spangler. Gee, I'd like to see him again.

  Laura Petrie : Were you very fond of him?

  Rob Petrie : Fond of him? I hated him.

  Laura Petrie : Really?

  Rob Petrie : Oh, with a passion.

• Rob Petrie : That old Hap Spangler used to run a pretty tough school, but I learned more from him than all the other people I EVER worked for.

  Rob Petrie : [gestures to the house]  You could say Hap is responsible for gettin' me all of this.

  Rob Petrie : [gestures to Laura]  And now all of this.

  Laura Petrie : Well, old Hap may have been responsible for getting you all THAT this but THIS this I gave you.

  Rob Petrie : That right - for a wedding present!

• Rob Petrie : How are ya, Hap?

  Happy Spangler : [playfully]  Oh, for a sick old man I feel... pretty sick and old.

• Rob Petrie : Uh, Hap, I don't exactly know how to say this...

  Happy Spangler : Well I do, so let me say it for you: "Hap, whatever happened to you? You used to be one of the biggest radio writers in the world. I thought you were dead. What're you doing in a haberdashery store selling ties." Is that what you're about to say?

• [Rob asks Sally to bring Hap up-to-date on their latest script] 

  Sally Rogers : "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Alan Brady Show." You're now up to date.

  Rob Petrie : You mean that's all we've got?

  Sally Rogers : Well, don't you remember we threw out the opening sketch?

  Buddy Sorrell : HE threw it out. I still liked it. I don't know what was wrong.

  Rob Petrie : Oh, Buddy, the thing was too long. It was in bad taste. It wasn't even funny.

  Buddy Sorrell : Well, aside from that, what didn't you like?