"The Dick Van Dyke Show" The Return of Happy Spangler (TV Episode 1962) - Morey Amsterdam as Buddy Sorrell

Buddy Sorrell : Well, I don't know anything about Happy Spangler as a writer, but he certainly's gonna do more good for this company than... someone who shall remain hairless.
Mel Cooley : Oh, Buddy'll never be a has-been. He'll always be a never-was.

Buddy Sorrell : Look who's talkin'. Been in the business twenty years, he's still a what-is-it.
Mel Cooley : I've always felt we were understaffed. Rob, I don't see how you've done as well as you have with just you, Sally and a trained ape.

Buddy Sorrell : I didn't know you were trained.
Buddy Sorrell : [mockingly] Hey, Mel, you're not gonna meet a new employee like THAT? For Heaven's sake, comb your hair! Sally, loan him a sponge.
Mel Cooley : If you'll excuse me, Mr. Spangler, I have work to do.

Buddy Sorrell : Good luck emptying the ashtrays, skinhead.
[Rob asks Sally to bring Hap up-to-date on their latest script]

Sally Rogers : "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Alan Brady Show." You're now up to date.

Rob Petrie : You mean that's all we've got?

Sally Rogers : Well, don't you remember we threw out the opening sketch?

Buddy Sorrell : HE threw it out. I still liked it. I don't know what was wrong.

Rob Petrie : Oh, Buddy, the thing was too long. It was in bad taste. It wasn't even funny.

Buddy Sorrell : Well, aside from that, what didn't you like?

Morey Amsterdam: Buddy Sorrell