- Melvin (Mel) Cooley: [clutching his temples] Look, I've got a great deal of work to do!
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: So go ahead, tear your hair out!
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Two flies talkng. One of 'em says, "Say, Mrs. Fuzzbuzz, how's the baby?" She says, "Sick - I had to walk the ceiling with him all night."
- Rob Petrie: What is he talking about?
- Sally Rogers: I don't know, but you know him - behind every silver lining, he finds the cloud.
- Sally Rogers: Buddy, it's when I see husbands like you that I'm glad I'm single - but that's the only time.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Oh, so I'm nuts, huh?
- Sally Rogers: See, he admits it!
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: All the career women are the same. Boy, they're... they're like old fire horses - one whiff of smoke and they wanna bust out of the stable.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Rob, listen to me, the first week that you get off, take Laura for a skiing trip.
- Rob Petrie: Skiing? What for? Laura can't ski. Heh, she'd break her leg.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Yeah! Boy, you catch on fast!
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Rob, don't do anything rash.
- Sally Rogers: Oh, leave him alone. It's his rash.
- [Uable to cook dinner, Rob serves bananas]
- Ritchie Petrie: Daddy?
- Rob Petrie: Hmm?
- Ritchie Petrie: When's Mommy coming home?
- Rob Petrie: Soon, Rich. Why?
- Ritchie Petrie: I like Mommy's banana's better.
- Rob Petrie: Well, I think I know my wife well enough to hope that she'll say what I know she thinks that I hope she'll say.
- Rob Petrie: Look Buddy, I know my wife. I didn't twist her arm to make her give up dancing. She wanted to. She wanted to be a wife and a mother. and for your information, in all the years we've been married, I have never heard her say she was sorry either.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Till last night.
- Rob Petrie: She didn't say she was sorry last night.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Maybe not with her mouth, but with every other part of her.
- Rob Petrie: Out, out
- Delivery Boy: Hey, can I say something?
- Rob Petrie: What?
- Delivery Boy: [looks at Laura in her leotards] Va va va voom!
- Rob Petrie: Honey now go put some clothes on!
- Laura Petrie: Darling, these are just leotards. You've seen me wear them before.
- Rob Petrie: I know. I have, but he hasn't. Now put this on.
- [Rob takes off his jacket and wraps it around Laura]
- Laura Petrie: Rob, this is silly. All the girls wear them for rehearsal.
- Rob Petrie: Those girls are girls. That's different. You are a married woman.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Not today, brother. Today, she's a girl girl.
- Delivery Boy: Yeah!