The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Washington vs. the Bunny (1961)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : Laura, there is no reason for your behavior!

  Laura Petrie : There is every reason for my behavior - I'm angry!

  Rob Petrie : Angry, yes, because I wouldn't behave like a puppet! Because I felt a responsibility to my employer!

  Laura Petrie : For heaven's sake, Rob, that's not why I'm angry. I realize you have to do what you think is right. I wouldn't respect you if you let yourself get pushed around by anyone, including me.

  Rob Petrie : Well, what are you angry with me for?

  Laura Petrie : I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with me for being angry with you.

  Rob Petrie : Well, is there anything I can do to patch up this little quarrel you're having among yourself so I can get out of the doghouse?

  Laura Petrie : Did you ever think of trying a kiss?

  [Rob leans over to kiss her on the neck] 

  Laura Petrie : Not on the neck.

  [Rob kisses her lightly on the cheek] 

  Laura Petrie : That's better.

  [Rob kisses her lightly on the lips] 

  Laura Petrie : Almost.

  [smiles] 

  Laura Petrie : [they embrace and kiss deeply]  Oh, yes.

  [they resume their kiss] 

• Rob Petrie : [referring to Ritchie]  How'd he get so cute?

  Laura Petrie : Your mother says you were just like him when you were a little boy.

  Rob Petrie : Why, I'm surprised she said that.

  Laura Petrie : Why?

  Rob Petrie : I think I'm cuter. Gimme a kiss.

  Laura Petrie : Never kiss egomaniacs.

  Rob Petrie : Well, how 'bout hungry husbands?

  Laura Petrie : Them I feed.

  [She puts a grape in his mouth] 

• Bill : [after singing "You're the Top"]  Boy, that Irving Berlin sure knew how to write 'em, didn't he?

  Rob Petrie : Uh, Cole Porter.

  Bill : You sure it wasn't Berlin?

  Rob Petrie : Porter.

  Bill : I coulda swore Irving wrote that. Then who wrote "White Christmas"?

  Rob Petrie : Irving Berlin.

  Bill : Oh, yeah.

  [laughs] 

  Bill : You know, I always get those two songs mixed up. It's a good thing I don't need an ear for music. I'm in ladies underwear.

• Melvin (Mel) Cooley : [to Rob]  Well, there's a young girl singer making her debut on a local Washington station tomorrow, and Alan would like you to go there and do some talent scouting.

  Rob Petrie : Sure, I'd love to go.

  Melvin (Mel) Cooley : Ah, fine.

  Rob Petrie : Hey, wait a minute, tomorrow morning is bad for me. How about the next day?

  Melvin (Mel) Cooley : Oh, I'm afraid not. No, every TV station in town is gonna be sending a... a scout down there, and we don't want them to beat us to the punch.

  Rob Petrie : Oh, yeah. How about letting Buddy go?

  Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell : Yeah, how about letting Buddy go?

  Melvin (Mel) Cooley : We want an opinion we can respect.

• Rob Petrie : Maybe you can convince me that I'm not a liar and a rotten husband and an irresponsible father.

  Bill : Boy! Whatever you didn't do, I think you shoulda done it.

• [Rob phoned Alan Brady to say his son may have a broken arm] 

  Laura Petrie : Why didn't you just tell him the truth?

  Rob Petrie : Because I just couldn't tell Alan Brady that the reason I can't go to Washington is because my son is the main bunny.

• Laura Petrie : Ladies and gentlemen, presenting a man who gave up a trip to Washington, simply because... I ORDERED him to. Presenting... my puppet!

  [brings out Rob as a puppet] 

  Laura Petrie : Now, bow for the people.

  [Rob bows] 

  Laura Petrie : Now show how nicely you make a telephone call.

  Rob Petrie : [talking on a phone; nasally]  Hello? I want to go to Washington!

  Laura Petrie : No! Now, you say that the RIGHT way.

  Rob Petrie : [nasally]  Hello? I DON'T want to go to Washington!

  Laura Petrie : That's a good boy.

• Melvin (Mel) Cooley : Rob, I hope I'm not disturbing you.

  Rob Petrie : No, not at all, Mel.

  Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell : Speak for yourself, Rob. I can't even drink coffee with Goldilocks around; curdles the cream.