The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Where You Been, Fassbinder? (1962)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Quotes 

• Laura Petrie : Now, you men don't seem to realize that when a woman reaches a certain age, and is unmarried, every birthday becomes a milestone, and every milestone is a millstone. Now I have a feeling Sally isn't gonna wait till Friday to do her crying. I think she's gonna do it tonight. And we're responsible.

  Rob Petrie : WE are? What did WE do?

  Laura Petrie : We went and had a baby that grew up to be a six-year-old big mouth.

• Rob Petrie : Honey, what makes you think she was so upset by it?

  Laura Petrie : Because I'm a woman.

  Rob Petrie : What! You're... You're a woman? My gosh... My father married one of those!

• [the gang gathers for Sally's surprise birthday party] 

  Pickles Sorrell : What're you gonna give her, Laura?

  Laura Petrie : Well, I got her some perfume.

  Buddy Sorrell : Perfume for Sally?

  Laura Petrie : Mm-hm.

  Rob Petrie : What's a matter with that?

  Buddy Sorrell : Well, nothin' except it'll make my snakes look cheep.

• Rob Petrie : Boy, it's gettin' late. Mel said he'd meet us as soon as he got outta the barber shop.

  Buddy Sorrell : Baldy in a barber shop? What's he doing, reminiscing?