Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (TV Series)

Monte Carlo (1996)

Jonathan Katz: Dr. Katz

Quotes 

• Richard : People say that marriage should be forever, but y'know, when they made up that rule, "forever" wasn't that long, y'know? I mean, when they made up that rule, it just a guy goin', "Yeah, I'll get married, hey, c'mon, I don't wanna be nineteen and alone."

  Dr. Katz : Hmm.

  Richard : You never know what's gonna happen with a marriage. Y'know, sometimes, sometimes you turn on a TV and there's Willard Scott going, "These people have been married for 140 years." Then you flick another channel and there's someone going, "A Milwaukee woman has crazy-glued her husband's butt cheeks together while he was sleeping." I mean, that really happened, y'know.

  Dr. Katz : I read about that.

  Richard : I always wonder if they stayed together, the couple, I mean. I... that's, y'know, that's gotta be weird. You know, the guy wakes up and comes down, and probably, y'know, you can't accuse the wife right away. Ya gotta go: "Uh, honey, did you, uh, glue my butt cheeks together while I was sleeping?" Y'know, and she's there going: "All of a sudden, you're mister observant! You didn't notice when I changed the curtains!"

• Richard : Yeah, so... I dunno, people always tell me I shouldn't make fun of church and stuff, but I always think, like, y'know, well, God knows everything, right?

  Dr. Katz : Yeah?

  Richard : So God knew I would do this, and He let me. That's the way I look at it. You know what I mean? Because I don't care who your Lord is, even if you're not Catholic. You can't have a Lord going:

  [in Johnny Carson voice] 

  Richard : "I was not aware of that. How could that have happened? Here I am, the supreme being, and I don't know what the hell's going on!"

  Dr. Katz : Hmm.

  Richard : Y'know, on any given Sunday, more people watch auto racing than go to Catholic church now.

  Dr. Katz : Yeah.

  Richard : Yeah, and auto racing is pretty boring, too. I don't know why. I think the only difference is that auto racing, unlike church, has really exciting radio commercials.

  Dr. Katz : Right.

  Richard : I think if the church had them, they'd probably do better: "Sunday! Sunday! Attention, church fans: At the Church of the Independent Suspension, see "Big Daddy" Monsignor Murphy take on the devil himself! That's right, the "priest from the east" versus the "thunder from down under!" It's all happening at twelve o'clock mass, this Sunday! Sunday!"