- Audrey Parker-Nichols: So how was school?
- Drake Parker: You're the worst!
- Josh Nichols: You sicken me!
- Audrey Parker-Nichols: I see.
- Megan Parker: Uhh... anybody want more chicken?
- Josh Nichols: I hope you go bald!
- Drake Parker: I hope they cancel Oprah!
- Josh Nichols: Take that back!
- Drake Parker: [Drake and Josh imagine what they'll be like when they're 80, with Josh demanding Drake's oatmeal] Over my dead body!
- Josh Nichols: Fine. I could wait five minutes!
- Drake Parker: As far as brothers go, Josh is okay.
- Josh Nichols: I love having Drake as a brother.
- Drake Parker: But every now and then...
- Josh Nichols: But occasionally...
- Drake Parker: I wanna hit him with something heavy.
- Josh Nichols: But sometimes I-I just wanna grab his little neck and BANG, JHOM, JUUM!
- [doing homework together]
- Josh Nichols: Are you copying my answers?
- Drake Parker: No, I'm just comparing your answers with the answers I'm about to write.
- Josh Nichols: Why would a dying British orphan be at a Padres game?
- Drake Parker: Orphans LOVE baseball.