- Josh Nichols: Do you sell guitars?
- Guitar World Salesman: [sarcastically] Here? At Guitar World? Gee, I don't know.
- Josh Nichols: [as Drake listens to the radio at a loud volume] Hey, I'm trying to study!
- Drake Parker: Why?
- Josh Nichols: To learn things!
- Miles: There's fourteen thousand out there. Can you handle it?
- Drake Parker: Without wetting my pants?
- Miles: I will take that risk.
- Drake Parker: I gotta hit the bathroom. Will you, uh, stare at it for me while I'm gone?
- Josh Nichols: You want me to stare at your guitar... FOR you... while you pee?
- Drake Parker: I could pee in here.
- Josh Nichols: I'll stare.
- Drake Parker: A vintage Stratocaster autographed by Devin Maloine. Josh, I think I'm in love.
- Josh Nichols: Okay, but if you start makin' out with the thing, I'm leavin' the room.
- Josh Nichols: You know, living with a new stepbrother - not as bad as you might think.
- Drake Parker: Having a new stepbrother move in - worse than you might think.
- Josh Nichols: You wanna know the hardest part about sharing a room with Drake?
- Drake Parker: The worst thing about living with Josh...
- Josh Nichols, Drake Parker: [together] Sleeping in the same room.
- Drake Parker: I swear, Josh snores like a hobo with a sinus infection.
- Josh Nichols: Drake mumbles in his sleep - loud.
- Josh Nichols, Drake Parker: [together] It sounds kinda like...
- [Drake snores exaggeratedly while Josh makes obnoxious mouth noises]
- Josh Nichols, Drake Parker: [together] Try sleeping with THAT.