- Mindy Crenshaw: [after losing an honor council case] I have a cockapoo AND an exact clone of that cockapoo. That's two cockapi! How many cockapi do YOU have, Josh? Hm? Oh, that's right - NONE. All you got's a big magnet. "Ooo, I'm Josh. Look at me with my big magnet!" That's right. Crenshaw out.
- Josh Nichols: See ya, crazy!
- Megan Parker: You know what? I'm gonna look into this.
- Drake Parker: What?
- Megan Parker: I'm gonna help you.
- Drake Parker: And, WHY are you gonna help me?
- Megan Parker: 'Cause you're my brother, and I can tell you're sad and scared and upset, and I can't stand to see you that way -- unless I caused it.
- Drake Parker: Oh, thanks.
- Drake Parker: [thinking about it] Hey!
- Josh Nichols: Stupid Mindy. She's so smart.
- Drake Parker: You're just mad because she came in first at the science fair and you came in second
- Josh Nichols: I should have won, what with my big magnet.
- Drake Parker: She cloned her own dog.
- Josh Nichols: Big deal. Like the world needs another cockapoo.
- [how did someone put Mrs. Hayfer's car in her classroom?]
- Josh Nichols: I think the prankster must have driven the car up to the side of the building, threw it into neutral, greased the car with butter or corn oil, and squeezed it through that window.
- Mindy Crenshaw: I have a different theory.
- Josh Nichols: [with immediate contempt] Oh? What's that, Mindy?
- Mindy Crenshaw: Well, I think when you were a baby your mother dropped you on your head, then fed you a bottle of stupid juice, then sucked your brain out with a vacuum.
- Megan Parker: Did you do it?
- Drake Parker: No.
- Megan Parker: Why'd you do it?
- Drake Parker: I didn't.
- Megan Parker: How'd you do it?
- Megan Parker: I told you I didn't do it! I swear on Mom's grave.
- Audrey Parker-Nichols: Uh, excuse me. Still alive here.