Drake & Josh (TV Series)

We're Married (2005)

Josh Peck: Josh Nichols

Photos 

Quotes 

• Josh Nichols : Oh... oh, that's not beef.

  Yeesta : Oh? Then vhat is this meat?

  Josh Nichols : It's goat.

  Yonka : [everyone spits out goat meat]  Glockmah?

  Yeesta : You serve us goat balls?

• Josh Nichols : Oh, uh, Yooka, I-I-I have a present for you. Come here.

  Yooka : Oh, uh, what it is?

  [opens bag] 

  Yooka : Oh? Oh! It's a Glokmah!

  Drake Parker : No. No, this is a goat.

  Josh Nichols : Glokmah means goat.

  Yooka : Yes, uh, you see, zhe goat is national symbol of Yudonia. Ah, the glokmah is very sacred in my country.

• Crazy Steve : So I got that, uh... I got that foreign film ready for ya in theater 5.

  Josh Nichols : Oh, uh, o-o-okay, well, um... The-the thing is we-we decided to see Puppet Fever instead.

  Crazy Steve : Oh, it's gonna be a little problem, you see, 'cause when you asked me to find that movie for you, I... I spent five hours on the phone tracking it down and talking Helen into letting me screen it for you; so, how could I've done done all that? SOMEBODYS GONNA BE WATCHING "ICK GLOKMAH" TONIGHT OR ELSE SOMEBODY'S GONNA BE AN ORGAN DONER BEFORE THEIR SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY, JOSH NICHOLS!

• Josh Nichols : Drake, you promised you'd back off! How dare you marry my e-woman!

• Josh Nichols : [trying to fix Drake's marriage problem]  I-I-I was on the phone with the Yudonian embassy for an hour, I-I-I tried to get you drafted, and I even put a call in to Oprah.

  Drake Parker : What can Oprah do?

  Josh Nichols : Oprah can do ANYTHING!

• [Drake is married] 

  Audrey Parker-Nichols : Josh! You did this?

  Josh Nichols : Why'd... Well, Drake's the one who said "inay kudasai n'choonga oontiah" when the sun was in the house of Karflogg!

• Josh Nichols : You, my friend, have earned yourself a Yudonia thank you.

  [kisses Drake on each cheek; Drake starts to leave] 

  Josh Nichols : Where you goin'?

  Drake Parker : To boil my face.

• Josh Nichols : I have to pee.

  Drake Parker : I'll go with you, Josh.

• [first lines, into the camera] 

  Josh Nichols : Have you ever been really good friends with someone you never even met before?

  Drake Parker : Y'ever been really thirsty, just didn't feel like gettin' up?

  Josh Nichols : See, for over a year now, I've been e-mailing this girl from a foreign country.

  [Drake calls Josh on his cell phone] 

  Josh Nichols : One sec. Hello?

  Drake Parker : [faking a Bronx accent]  Yeah, this is, uh, Lt. Pierson with Teen San Diago Police Department.

  Josh Nichols : [recognizing Drake]  Oh, IS it?

  Drake Parker : Yeah, you're gonna need to get a can of soda upstairs to your brother, a code three.

  Josh Nichols : Code this!

  [blows a whistle loudly; both hang up; Drake heads downstairs] 

  Josh Nichols : Anyway, back to my e-pal, Yooka. It's-it's kinda weird to be friends with someone you never met or even talked to on the phone, but I...

  [phone rings again] 

  Josh Nichols : [picking up]  If you call me one more time, I will take an entire bottle of maple syrup and pour it all over your underwear drawer, so for the next nine days YOU can walk around with sicky butt!

  Walter Nichols : Josh, it's your father.

  Josh Nichols : Nice try, ya big doof!

  [hangs up] 

  Josh Nichols : Man, i-i-if he's so thirsty, why can't he come downstairs, go in the kitchen, and get himself...

  [suddenly notices Drake sitting beside him, smiling and drinking a soda] 

  Josh Nichols : Aw, geez.