- The Balladeer: Here's old Rosco back from the police academy. Which they're still trying to put back together after he left.
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [in pursuit of General Lee which the Duke boys are using to cart 'a water heater'] You see, that's a direct violation of the law.
- [smirks]
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Look at that thing sticking out there without a red flag on it.
- Boss Hogg: [bikini girls suntanning on top of RV] Now these 'what nots' are Mace's associates. Tinker Churchill and Samantha Rose. They can drive anything that moves and shoot anything that fires. They use all the weapons they got, too.
- Mason Dixon: Well, we got ourselves a little hoop-dee-doo right away in a place called Hazzard county.
- Tinker: Awe, Mace, sugar, it's Sunday.
- Sam: Now, me, Mace, I like working Sundays. It's when you mess with our evenings I get mad.
- Mason Dixon: Girls, the motorcycle, the van and the car, all need tuneups. Now do you two got the wherewithal to pay for all those bills?
- [they shake their heads]
- Mason Dixon: That's what I figured. So Sunday or evenings, let's all go out and earn. Get dressed, girls.
- Tinker: Okay, Mace.
- Sam: [girls gonna get up] We'll be right there.
- [but the moment he slides back down the hatch into the RV, they snicker and lie back again]
- Mason Dixon: [enters Sheriff's office, where Rosco sits dozing off] Uh... excuse me?
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [wakes up with a start, stammers:] Don't you threaten me...!
- Mason Dixon: My name is Mason Dixon, and these two ladies here are my associates...
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [they're pretty girls] Ooh...
- Sam: Oh, we're investigating a call you made to Atlanta.
- Tinker: Yeah, concerning a couple of fellas that you caught with a whole bunch of marijuana.
- [playfully removes Rosco's hat]
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Ooh! FBI, huh? Boy, you FBI sure get around quick. You little rascals, you...
- [Tinker now wears his hat]
- Boss Hogg: [in doorway] Oh, hush, hush, Rosco. They never said they were from the FBI.
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Oh, no, you didn't.
- Boss Hogg: Besides, let me tell you, personally I know that I've never seen no FBI people with...
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: With big little dimples?
- [imitates with his hands twisting his face]
- Boss Hogg: Big little dimples. No! Wearing clothes like these.
- Mason Dixon: We're not with the Federal Bureau. We're private investigators.
- Boss Hogg: Private investigators? Sir, the government don't hire no private investigators.
- Mason Dixon: No. No, sir, but, uh, we work independently...
- Sam: [pulling on his tie] Oh, Sheriff, can't we talk to them fellas in their cells for just a little-bitty minute?
- [strokes his chin]
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [much taken with the young lady] Yeah... you... you... No.
- [all flustered:]
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: Yes. No. I mean, I'd... I'd let you. But I can't. I mean... They ain't in the cells!
- [Sam loses all interest in him]
- Boss Hogg: Rosco, hush, hush, hush, hush, will you? Just ignore them dimples! I mean, next time she bats her eyelids at you, you'll probably tell her where the Duke boys live.
- Mason Dixon: So that's the name, Duke?
- Boss Hogg: [gave the game away] What?
- Uncle Jesse: Oh, I said I don't have no crate.
- Davis: Oh, you see, you got a crate that belongs to us and we want it.
- Uncle Jesse: Well, now, you two are not hearing me right. I said I didn't have no crate. Now when I say I don't have no crate that means I ain't got one because my boys ain't back from the depot yet.
- Davis: Yeah, well, you keeping on saying that don't make it the truth, old man.
- Uncle Jesse: [offended] What?
- [moves forward to get to them]
- Daisy Duke: [stops him] Uncle Jesse. Now listen, mister. My Uncle Jesse don't lie, so why don't you just back off, huh? Uncle Jesse, come on, don't get heat up over that fellow.
- [leads him away]
- Uncle Jesse: [mutters] I'll give him a crate right up the side of the head...
- Sam: The stuff's in a place called Cooter's farm.
- Mason Dixon: [to Tinker and Sam] Well, let's go, sweet things, we've got a farm to find. Get out the car and let's go!
- Mason Dixon: [car in pursuit] Uh-oh, looks like Mr. Ryan and Mr. Davis got us by the tail.
- [the two girls ready for action]
- Mason Dixon: You good-looking things know what to do.
- Tinker: Well, we'll just see about that.
- Enos: [climbs from his wrecked patrol car, sees her Jeep] Hi, Daisy!
- Daisy Duke: Want a lift?
- Enos: Thanks.
- [climbs onto back and nearly falls off as she pulls away]
- Bo Duke: [she's about to slide into the General Lee] Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, what are you doing?
- Tinker: I don't have time to argue with you, Bo. This is my case. And I'm driving.
- Bo Duke: Listen, you're going to have to give me a whole lot more reason than that before I let you drive off in the General.
- [she kisses him passionately, background effect gives Tarzan yell, big smile:]
- Bo Duke: Where are we going?