- The Balladeer: [narrating] Well, at least Vance didn't have to drink her lemonade, 'cause you know that a woman that looks like that can't cook.
- Boss Hogg: Don't shoot! I'm too young to die.
- Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Yeah, and I'm younger than he is.
- Boss Hogg: It's always nice doing business with old friends.
- Uncle Jesse: Maybe that's why all your old friends are now your old enemies.
- The Balladeer: [narrating] Friends, Boss Hogg has got more wrinkles than a bucket o' prunes. And this one's a world class scam.