- [the doctors are trying to save a man who got hit by the El]
- [a beeper goes off]
- Nurse Malik McGrath: Whose beeper?
- Dr. Peter Benton: It's coming from the patient.
- [Malik looks at the beeper]
- Nurse Malik McGrath: Lydia, what number did you page Gant to?
- Nurse Lydia Wright: This room, 3376.
- Nurse Malik McGrath: That's the number on this pager.
- Dr. Maggie Doyle: Oh my God.
- Dr. John Carter: What?
- Dr. Maggie Doyle: The patient! It's Gant!
- Dr. Mark Greene: They're writing me up for not cosigning charts.
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: Won't that hurt your chances for tenure?
- Dr. Mark Greene: Won't help.
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: Competition pretty stiff?
- Dr. Mark Greene: About 5'4", red hair, with a limp.
- Charlie Chiemingo: You're a creep, you know that?
- Dr. Doug Ross: Yep.
- Charlie Chiemingo: A creep and a pervert!
- [shouting]
- Charlie Chiemingo: That's right! This doctor made me go down on him! He gave me VD, he got me pregnant, and now he wants me to pay for the abortion! Child molester!
- Nurse Carol Hathaway: Lovely girl.
- [Chuny and Connie are looking through personal ads]
- Nurse Connie Oligario: "Sensual M.D., 35. 6'1"."
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: I like tall.
- Nurse Connie Oligario: "Makes up in passion what he lacks in hair."
- [they both look suspiciously at Mark]
- Dr. Mark Greene: It's not me.
- Nurse Connie Oligario: So you got an idea that's gonna make you a millionaire?
- Nurse Malik McGrath: Yeah, money in the bank!
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: Alright, let's hear it.
- Nurse Malik McGrath: Flypaper in a can!
- Nurse Connie Oligario: Say what?
- Nurse Malik McGrath: It's like aerosol. You spray it on your car so bugs will stick to it, then you peel off one big sheet, the boom! Your car is clean!
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: You're kidding, right?
- Nurse Malik McGrath: No! I'm gonna call it "Bug Off"!
- Nurse Connie Oligario: That's the dumbest idea I ever heard.
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: Yeah, why not just clean it off with a hose?
- Nurse Malik McGrath: Ok, I got another one: Stethescope condoms!
- Nurse Connie Oligario: I don't even wanna know.
- Dr. John Carter: Hey Maggie, you got anything good?
- Dr. Maggie Doyle: Carol Hathaway dropped a clock on Weaver's head.
- Dr. John Carter: Deliberately?
- Dr. Maggie Doyle: I'm foggy on the details.
- Dr. Mark Greene: Shelly, if you do have meningitis and we don't treat you, you could die.
- Shelly Dunleavy: Die, cry, let me fry.
- Dr. Mark Greene: Do you know where you are?
- Shelly Dunleavy: In the hospital, talking to Dr. Greene with a head like a bean.
- Dr. Mark Greene: Do you know what day it is?
- Shelly Dunleavy: Thursday, January 16th. Bing! Correct! Alex Trebek. Next: "Stupid Questions" for 200.
- Psych Intern: Shelly, can you spell "world" backwards?
- Shelly Dunleavy: U-O-Y-W-E-R-C-S
- [Dr. Greene and the intern look confused]
- Nurse Lydia Wright: "Screw you." Backwards.