- Larry Beale: [in song] Ren got an F. That's got to be a first. I can't believe she messed up so badly. Ren got an F! This is my lucky day! I'm sorry that it had to end so sadly.
- [chorus]
- Larry Beale, Classmates: Ren got an F! Ren got an F! Ren got an F! Ren got an F!
- Louis Stevens: Oh, Tawny, please don't worry about it. I always find a way.
- [burst into song]
- Louis Stevens: I'm not strong, I'm not fast, when it comes to endurance, I just can't last! So I'll get out of gym, like I have in the past!
- Alan Twitty: Like the time you wore that useful bodycast!
- Louis Stevens: I always find a way!
- Alan Twitty, Tawny Dean: [chorus] He always finds a way!
- Tawny Dean: No one can produce an excellent excuse like you!
- Louis Stevens: What can I say?
- Louis Stevens, Alan Twitty, Tawny Dean: [chorus] He always finds a way!
- Tawny Dean: A pathetic wheeze, a powerful sneeze...
- [Louis coughs]
- Alan Twitty: Like the time he fills your ears up with cottage cheese!
- Louis Stevens: And said it was because of my sweat allergies! That one got me out of gym with ease.
- [chorus]
- Louis Stevens: I always find a way!
- Alan Twitty, Tawny Dean, Other Students: He always finds a way! He can easily create ways to abbreviate! His gym period stay.
- Louis Stevens, Alan Twitty, Tawny Dean: [chorus] He always finds a way! He always finds a way!
- Coach Tugnut: [pops up from inside a locker] But not today!
- Ren Stevens, Louis Stevens, Classmates: Sixth period!
- Ren Stevens, Louis Stevens, Classmates: Sixth period!
- Ren Stevens, Louis Stevens, Classmates: Sixth period!
- Steve Stevens: That was some sneeze, son, are you alright?
- Louis Stevens: No, not really, I got a lot of... uh... lot of flim... ehm, you know... A lot of mucus... So I'm calling it "flucus."
- Louis Stevens: So, am... Am I burning up, or...?
- Steve Stevens: I don't know. I'm just resting my hand while I'm looking for something.
- Ren Stevens: I don't wanna psych anyone out, I just really like school.
- Louis Stevens: Oh, I really like school too, except for the classrooms, teachers and tests.
- Tawny Dean: Oh, like Coach Tugnut's physical endurance exam.
- Louis Stevens: Yeah, exactly. Like that. You know, I'll never take that test.
- Ren Stevens: How are you gonna get out of it?
- Louis Stevens: Ehm... Uh... Well, I... eh, right now, I'm not, uh, in liberty to say.
- Ren Stevens: What does that mean?
- Alan Twitty: Uh... That just means he hasn't figured it out yet.
- Louis Stevens: ['Tripped over dog'] Did it.
- ['Tounge-ache']
- Louis Stevens: Did it.
- ['Couch-potato Ankles']
- Louis Stevens: I did that twice!
- Eileen Stevens: We all wanted to tell you how we feel.
- [breaks into song]
- Eileen Stevens: They'll be no award, you missed a day of school.
- Donnie Stevens: You never should've gotten influenza.
- Steve Stevens: It's just an award, it doesn't mean a thing.
- Louis Stevens: [hops up onto the counter] I think that we should sing another stanza!
- [the family forms a chorus line]
- Louis Stevens, Steve Stevens, Donnie Stevens, Eileen Stevens: It's just an award. It's just an award. It's just an award. It's just an award.
- [song ends as Ren screams]
- Louis Stevens: So Mom and Dad made you come to school too, huh?
- Ren Stevens: No. I begged them to let me go, and I still had to sneak out.
- Louis Stevens: Oh, really? I like that, Ren. Twitty, take a note. Every time I'm dealing with my parents, do everything backwards.
- Tawny Dean: It's called reverse psychology. Actually, it's very effective.
- Louis Stevens: Hm.