- Jane: Actually, I'm not a princess. My father's a duke.
- Alan Twitty: It's okay. I know how you feel. My dad can be like that too sometimes.
- Louis Stevens: [in his Mike Hageman disguise] Y'know what I just realized? Ummm, that my bladder's only half full, or, um, half empty... depending on how you look at life.
- Alan Twitty: [mops the floor at the burger shop] Well, Mike... I guess this didn't work out the way we thought it would, Mike! Heh-heh-heh.
- Louis Stevens: Yeah, man, the... The Mike thing is really not that funny anymore.
- Tex Nagita: Well hey now! Looks like you got your appetite back!
- Alan Twitty: [as Mike Hegemen] I guess so. Hey Tex, I got me some eatin to do here, so what do you say you wrassle me up a refill on this here orange soda, ok? Something wrong?
- Tex Nagita: You was drinkin... grape soda.
- Alan Twitty: Was I?
- Tex Nagita: Mmm-hmm.
- Alan Twitty: Well uh... I guess maybe all this meat has destroyed my abili-tye to recognize flavors, ok?
- [Ren catches Beans looking through the keyhole of her bedroom door and smacks him on the rear with a sweater]
- Ren Stevens: Beans, what are you doing?
- Beans: I heard there was a princess in there.
- Ren Stevens: Shh! She's not a princess. She's a lady and she's having a lie down.
- Beans: That's baloney! There's no one lying down in there.
- Ren Stevens: What are you...
- [Ren gets cutoff by Beans entering her bedroom]
- Ren Stevens: Beans, you're gonna wake her up!
- [the two find the room empty; Beans picks up a note left on the edge of Ren's bed]
- Beans: [reading the note Jane left for Ren] "Went out for some fun. Best regards, Jane."
- Ren Stevens: Gimme that!
- [Ren snatches the note from Beans and analyzes it]
- Ren Stevens: [panicked] She's gone. I lost Lady Jane!
- [Beans takes the note back from Ren and sniffs it]
- Beans: Smells like she left about half an hour ago.
- [Ren grimaces]
- [Jane's father and Principal Wexler have arrived at the Stevens household searching for Lady Jane; Ren is upstairs in her bedroom learning that Jane has left for Tex Nagita's Burger Bonanza]
- The Duke: Janey darling, guess who?
- Ren Stevens: [with English accent; pretending to be Lady Jane] Just a moment, father. I'm finishing up some crumpets and a spot of tea.
- [Wexler and the Duke of Bushwick sit down in the living room]
- Principal Conrad Wexler: [to the Duke] Mmm, crumpets.