- Marie Barone: Listen, it's none of my business but I think maybe this might be Debra's way of trying to compensate.
- Robert Barone: How so, Ma?
- Marie Barone: Well, if you can't cook in the kitchen.
- Ray Barone: Okay, goodbye.
- Robert Barone: You guys are *way* off. Here.
- [He hands the brochure to Frank]
- Ray Barone: What are you?...
- Frank Barone: Holy crap!
- Robert Barone: That's Debra's aerobics instructor. She watches him flex all around and then she goes home all... inspired.
- Ray Barone: Why do you do that? Why do you tell Mom and Dad things like that? Huh? My personal things? Why? Why, why? Why?
- Robert Barone: Brings us closer.
- Ray Barone: Hey.
- Robert Barone: Hey.
- [Ray notices that Robert is standing in the kitchen only wearing his police shirt]
- Robert Barone: How long is the mirror in your apartment?
- Robert Barone: Ma is sewing up my uniform. Left pant leg got all shredded on a call. These damn people with raccoons as pets. Never works out.
- Ray Barone: So what's going on with you?
- Robert Barone: No, you know, nothing.
- Ray Barone: Listen, Robert.
- Robert Barone: Yeah.
- Ray Barone: Do you ever... do you ever have a hamburger, and the whole time you're eating it, you're imagining it's a steak?
- Robert Barone: I have. Yes, I have.
- [Ray gives Robert the Aerobics pamphlet]
- Robert Barone: Who's this?
- Ray Barone: That's the steak.
- Robert Barone: What?
- Ray Barone: I think this guy is the reason that I'm having more sex.
- Robert Barone: Look, before we go any further, I'd like to put my pants on.
- Frank Barone: Sounds like Mr. Muscle here is saving you some prep work.
- Marie Barone: I don't like that, Frank. And I have to say Raymond, I think that Debra is playing a very dangerous game.
- Frank Barone: Oh, what are you talking about? Who cares where she gets her appetite as long as she has her meal at home?
- Ray Barone: Okay, stop!
- Marie Barone: Raymond.
- Ray Barone: Stop!
- Marie Barone: Raymond, you have to get Debra out of this class right now.
- Frank Barone: Why? This guy is helping out. Maybe Ray doesn't have what it takes to get Debra's motor running.
- Marie Barone: Raymond's got plenty!
- Ray Barone: Thank you! Mom!
- Frank Barone: [Looking at the Aerobics pamphlet] Hey, this is a good-looking guy.
- [Robert stares at him, uncomfortable]
- Frank Barone: What? He's like a gladiator! Come on, Robert, you can't say this isn't a handsome man.
- Robert Barone: Ma, please I really need my pants.
- Ray Barone: I guess I'm not aerobically gifted.
- Debra Barone: That's okay, a lot of people break the boombox on their first time out.
- Ray Barone: Yeah, that's funny. You wanna have sex?
- Debra Barone: What?
- Ray Barone: Yeah. I mean, the kids aren't home and the honeymoon suite is vacant.
- Debra Barone: Oh! No, not right now.
- Ray Barone: Why?
- Debra Barone: Um, you know, I'm just not really in the mood right now.
- Ray Barone: Why, 'cause you missed the class?
- Debra Barone: Missed the class? No, I'm just, you know, not in the mood.
- Ray Barone: Why?
- Debra Barone: What, are you seven? How many times are you gonna ask me why?
- Ray Barone: Just until you really tell me why.
- Debra Barone: Okay, because the kids are gonna be home any minute, I have a sink full of dishes and I why do I have to explain it? I'm just not in the mood!
- [Ray pulls out the pamphlet and holds in front of his face]
- Ray Barone: How about now? Yeah. Huh? What? Are you in the mood now, huh? Huh?
- [He mimics aerobics movements]
- Ray Barone: Kick, one two, kick, one two. Kick, one two. I'm a maniac, maniac.
- Debra Barone: Ah, now I'm in the mood
- Ray Barone: Every time you go to the class you're getting all turned on by Hunky Joe, right? And you come home to me to put out the fire.
- Debra Barone: Are you out of your mind?
- Ray Barone: [Imitating Nick, the Aerobics instructor] Looking good, Debra. Looking good.
- Debra Barone: What, so you're getting all paranoid because we had a little extra sex last week?
- Ray Barone: Three times! Three times, right? You don't think that's out of the ordinary? I'm surprised it wasn't on the news.
- Debra Barone: So you think I'm cheating on you with you?
- Ray Barone: Put it however you want. You know what you're doing.
- Debra Barone: You know what? I'm tired. Could you just call yourself an idiot?
- Ray Barone: Yeah. You know I'm right, right? How would you like it if I did that to you?
- Debra Barone: Oh, please! What about every year when that stupid swimsuit issue arrives? I know I'm not gonna be getting much sleep that night. Why is that, Ray?
- Ray Barone: That's not true. That's not true. Don't try to make that like this.
- Debra Barone: What about the naked channel that you're always trying to check to see if they forgot to scramble it?
- Ray Barone: That's... I'm not checking it!
- Debra Barone: Oh no?
- Ray Barone: It's on the way to the Travel Channel.
- Debra Barone: Who's the one in the bedroom with all the little character suggestions, huh? "I'm the stock-boy and you can't reach the sauce. " Or "Ooh, come to bed with a limp. "
- Ray Barone: Look, that isn't the same, all right? You can't compare that.
- Debra Barone: Why is that?
- Ray Barone: Because none of those things are real, okay? They're all make-believe, they're games! This guy is real! He's flesh and blood and sweat and muscles, okay? And I don't like it! I don't like it!
- [Ray crumples up the pamphlet and throws it away and kicks the trashcan]
- Debra Barone: Ray, did it ever occur to you that taking aerobics classes makes me feel better about myself? Yeah, so if I feel better about myself, I feel better about a lot of other things too.
- Ray Barone: Yeah, but that guy...
- Debra Barone: That guy teaches class, that's all.
- Ray Barone: That's all?
- Debra Barone: That's it. You know, I've seen good-looking men before.
- Ray Barone: Where?
- Debra Barone: All you ever do is complain about how little sex we have, and last week we had more than enough and all it did was make you suspicious.
- Ray Barone: I don't know. I'm an idiot, I guess.
- Debra Barone: My idiot.
- Frank Barone: [Frank looks at the aerobics pamphlet] Hey, this is a good-looking guy!
- [Robert stares at Frank]
- Frank Barone: What? He's like a gladiator. Come on, Robert. You can't say this isn't a handsome man.
- [He puts the pamphlet down in front of Robert]
- Robert Barone: Ma, please. I really need my pants.