Family Guy (TV Series)

Brian Sings and Swings (2006)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Rob Berler, Thomas Edison, Chinese Man, Jewish Crooner, Zebra, Cashier

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lois Griffin : Oh, Meg, I think you're just trying to fit in by pretending to be something you're not, like the time Peter pretended to be racist to get out of Jury duty.

  Peter Griffin : [Cuts to a court room with Peter in the Jury box surrounded by only white people]  Awful lotta Honkies in here.

• Stewie Griffin : Hey Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald's with a bag full of burgers. You know it's funny, I tried to walk home and, a lot of hungry deer out at this time of night. Oh, this is where the story gets interesting. You may have noticed I'm missing an ear. I managed to pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-11. So when you're ready to apologize to me just talk into this cup.

• Brian Griffin : Hey, what's the point in waiting? You gotta live life while you can, and live it hard.

  Stewie Griffin : Ah, the Chris Farley method, that's good.

• Peter Griffin : Remember what I always tell you, if I come home in the middle of the day and catch you having sex with someone, I'll kill you both!

• Stewie Griffin : Urgh, if he dies, I'm gonna have to start hanging out with The Rock again.

  Dan LaFontaine : [Picture of Stewie on screen]  One's a baby.

  [Picture of The Rock on screen] 

  Dan LaFontaine : and the other's... black. I think. At least part black. Or... Hispanic, I think. You know, possibly there's some Filipino in there, yeah, possibly some Filipino. I mean if he - if he's black, it's definitely diluted. I mean one of his parents must be white. What the hell is Jessica Alba for that matter? If I were forty years younger I would plow that till next July.

• Peter Griffin : I haven't been this scared since I was mugged by Gene Shalit!

  Gene Shalit : Don't... "Panic Room"! I'm not going to... "William Hurt" you! I just want your... "Tango & Cash"! So just... "Pay It Forward"! And we'll all be... "Happy Gillmore"!

  Peter Griffin : What?

• Lois Griffin : Okay, Meg, you can lay off the charade now. My God, you're as transparent as your father was when he pretended to be a Chasidic Jew to get off work.

  Peter Griffin : Good morning, Hebrews and Shebrews! What a glorious Jewish day! Hey, how 'bout all those coupons in the Sunday paper, huh? Some good deals there. Hey, y'know, I went into a store last week, and they wanted 800 bucks for a TV, but I "ussed" them down to 500.

  [He gets kicked in the crotch] 

• Stewie Griffin : You know what? It's fine. I don't need to go to the hospital or anything. I'll just use this Mr. Potato Head piece.

• Lois Griffin : Brian, this is unacceptable!

  Peter Griffin : Yeah! What if something had happened to Stewie?

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, and my ear's in a cup, so I guess that doesn't count.

• Bruce : I could definitely use a breath freshener. Ooh, but that's gon' give me 11 items.

  Cashier : It's fine.

  Bruce : No, no. Rules is rules. Let's see what I'm 'onna put back. Hmm. I need the Reynolds Wrap and the bath tissue. I could do without the Triscuits, but they sure are good.

  Stewie Griffin : [sighs] 

  Bruce : 7-Up's the only reason I came here in the first place. You know what? I'm not gonna need the V8. I'll just buy some tomater juice from the minimart across the street. It's a bit more expensive, but I like helpin' out a small business. I hope you don't mind if I pay you in pennies.

• Brian Griffin : [after surgery, Brian is wearing a cone collar to prevent him from licking his stitches]  I really want to chew on my crotch right now.

• Stewie Griffin : What am I supposed to do to kill time? Oh, I know, I'll play 52 Pickup.

  [He drops all the cards on the floor] 

  Stewie Griffin : Ugh, this would be so much more fun if there was someone else around, because then they'd say, "I'm not picking up those cards." And then I'd say, "You have to. It's 52 Pickup." And then they'd say, "Well, what if I just leave them there." And I'd say, "Those are my father's cards. You can't just leave them there. He's gonna be mad." Where am I?

• Meg Griffin : Mom, Dad, I am a lesbian.

  Peter Griffin : That is... awesome!

• Stewie Griffin : Hey, Brian, you know, when you wear that suit, it looks like you're taking a white poop. But it's stuck.

• Frank Sinatra Jr. : Where the hell is Brian?

  Stewie Griffin : I don't know, but I better go find him. We can't just stay here and watch infomercials all night.

  Asian Man : Hello. How come I rich and you not? How come you not sell real estate like I do? How come I sleep with your wife while you at work? And I pee in your toilet and don't flush? And sometimes, I open the back part, and I pee there, so that next time you flush, pee come out? Why? 'Cause I smart! I smart, you stupid, call now!

• Stewie Griffin : [noticing a fancy suit jacket]  Oh, who am I kidding? All those buttons? I'd look like Steve Harvey.

• Peter Griffin : Oh, God, did I hit that deaf kid again? They oughta put a bell on that guy!

• Brian Griffin : [reading a newspaper]  Huh. "Thanks to effective treatment, Magic Johnson down to one AID."