Family Guy (TV Series)

He's Too Sexy for His Fat (2000)

Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Katie Coates, Lemonade Girl

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lois Griffin : Ahh, I hate what you've become. Why don't you go back to that doctor and have him suck the fat out of your head?

  Peter Griffin : Maybe I will! Then I'll put it on my feet and skate around on Paul Bunyan's giant skillet to cook his flapjacks!

  Lois Griffin : That doesn't make any sense!

  Peter Griffin : It doesn't have to. I'm beautiful!

• Lois Griffin : Oh my, tomatoes are $3.99 a pound. That's so high! Isn't that high? That seems so high!

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, this is interminable. I demand to know why you insist on taking me everywhere you go. I mean, really, what could possibly happen if you left me home by myself?

  [cut to the house, where he's having a party with a group of Playboy Bunny-like girls] 

  James Caan : Great party, Griff.

  Stewie Griffin : Girls, you know Jimmy Caan. Jimmy, make yourself at home.

  James Caan : Hey, thanks.

  Stewie Griffin : [he punches one of the girls in the face]  I meant have a cheese doodle, but whatever, it's a party.

• Lois Griffin : Peter, where's Chris?

  Chris Griffin : I love you She Hulk.

  Security Guard : All right son, I'm going to need those two hams back.

  Chris Griffin : I... I don't have any hams.

  Security Guard : Lift up your shirt son.

  Chris Griffin : I need an adult. I need an adult.

  Security Guard : You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty, fat, fatty. Hey Tom, he's just a fat kid. Aren't ya fatty? He's a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.

  Chris Griffin : Thanks.

• [Peter has had plastic surgery] 

  Lois Griffin : Peter, did you get a new buttocks?

  Peter Griffin : I had to. My old one had a crack in it.

• Chris Griffin : Go away, you're not welcome here!

  [pointing at his fat stomach] 

  Meg Griffin : Wow, Chris, did you lose weight? You're wicked skinny, I'm jealous.

  Chris Griffin : Thanks Meg. I'm jealous of your moustache.

  Meg Griffin : Mom?

  Lois Griffin : Oh, it's fine, Meg. It makes you look dignified.

  Meg Griffin : But, Mom!

  Lois Griffin : Now I love all of my children equally.

• [Peter has had plastic surgery] 

  Lois Griffin : Ahh, I hate what you've become. Why don't you go back to that doctor and have him suck the fat out of your head?

  Peter Griffin : Maybe I will, and then I'll put it on my feet and stand on Paul Bunyan's giant skillet to cook his flapjacks.

  Lois Griffin : That doesn't make any sense.

  Peter Griffin : It doesn't have to. I'm beautiful.

• Lois Griffin : Brian, are you okay?

  Brian Griffin : [gnawing at his arm]  Okay? Ha-ha! Okay? I'm covered in fleas, lady. I'm losing it here!

  Peter Griffin : [coming in]  Get a hold of yourself.

  Lois Griffin : [getting slapped in the face]  Ow! Peter, you're supposed to hit Brian.

• Lois Griffin : Chris, why don't you want to take your shirt off?

  Chris Griffin : Well, 'cause I'm fat.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, honey, no one thinks you're fat.

  Motel Employee : [approaching]  I'm sorry, sir. You can't park your van on the diving board.

  Lois Griffin : This is my son.

  Motel Employee : Oh, my apologies.

  [calling off-screen] 

  Motel Employee : Hey, Tom, he's not a van. He's just a fat kid!

• Peter Griffin : [at a motel pool]  Hey, Chris, aren't you coming in?

  Chris Griffin : Uh, can I swim with my shirt on?

  Peter Griffin : No, you can't swim with your shirt on. Wait a second. What are you hiding under your shirt? Do you have bruises? Did somebody hit you? Lois, what did you do to my son?

  Lois Griffin : Will you keep your voice down? You're embarrassing him.

  Peter Griffin : What are you talking about? If I wanted to embarrass him, I'd do something like this.

  [loudly] 

  Peter Griffin : Hey! Hey, everybody! Hey, look what Chris Griffin's father, Peter Griffin's doing.

  Lois Griffin : [grabbing his pectoral muscle, he starts licking his nipple]  Stop it!

• Lois Griffin : He's figured out how to get the twinkie.

  Chris Griffin : Ha ha. I'm turning you into poo.

• Lois Griffin : Chris where have you been?

  Chris Griffin : Dad took me to see a plastic surgeon to have liposuction but I didn't have it done.

  Lois Griffin : Good for you Chris. That was a very grown-up decision. I mean what kind of egomanical pretentious jerk gets liposuction.

  Peter Griffin : [in a very sexy voice]  Hello!

• Lemonade Girl : But mister, I need real money. I can't take a credit card.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, I see. Cash only, eh? Eh? No paper trail, eh? . What are you sellin'? Reefer? Crack? Smack? Horse? X? Shrooms? Dust? Meth? In my neighborhood? I don't think so.

  [kicks in lemonade stand]