Family Guy (TV Series)
Screwed the Pooch (2001)
Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Tricia Takanawa, Barbara Pewterschmidt, Massager, Mrs. Epstein, Hooker
Photos
Quotes
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Lois Griffin : Daddy, Peter's been trying really hard to get you to like him. Couldn't you give him another chance? Let him join your poker game tomorrow night?
Carter Pewterschmidt : Sorry, honey, I'd rather be stuck in an elevator with Nathan Lane, Gilbert Gottfried, Carrot Top... uhh, Sean Hayes, oh, you get the picture.
Lois Griffin : Please?
Carter Pewterschmidt : No!
Lois Griffin : OK. You know, maybe later I'll take Mom by the shoeshine place and introduce her to that nice mulatto boy who looks an awful lot like...
Carter Pewterschmidt : Say, would, uh, Peter like to play poker with us?
Lois Griffin : He'd love to, Daddy.
Carter Pewterschmidt : That sounds dynamite.
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Barbara Pewterschmidt : Would you like a piece of candy?
Stewie Griffin : I smell death on you!
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Lois Griffin : Brian, why don't you come up to my parents' house with us? The fresh air'll help you relax.
Stewie Griffin : Mm, I know where I go when I want to relax.
[cutaway to Stewie in a gay disco full of muscular men dancing shirtless]
Stewie Griffin : [shouting over the music] I know the guy that owns this place!
Man : What?
Stewie Griffin : I said, I know the guy that... oh, I'll you later, I love this song!
[Stewie grooves to the music]
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Brian Griffin : [meeting Lois in a park] Were you followed?
Lois Griffin : [wearing a hat, coat and dark glasses] Don't worry, I've got a decoy.
[cutaway to Chris dressed as Lois, pushing Stewie in a stroller]
Quagmire : Hey, Lois. Hubba-hubba... Whoa! Lois, you put on a few, huh?
Chris Griffin : Well, I never!
[he slaps him and walks on]
Stewie Griffin : That's all right, honey, I don't think he was the one anyway. Now, let's go get sundaes.
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Carter Pewterschmidt : Hello, everyone.
Lois Griffin : Hi, Daddy.
Peter Griffin : Bonjour, Monsieur Pewterschmidt.
Carter Pewterschmidt : Did Peter have a stroke?
Lois Griffin : No, Daddy, Peter's cultured himself, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
Carter Pewterschmidt : Oh, so I should treat him like a high-class whore?
[he lights a cigarette and stubs it out on Peter's chest]
Peter Griffin : That's fine, just no kissing on the lips.
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Lois Griffin : [after Brian takes off after Sea Breeze during a dog race] What's Brian doing?
Meg Griffin : Oh, my God!
Carter Pewterschmidt : He's violating Sea Breeze!
Peter Griffin : No, no. He's just awkwardly positioning himself... *now* he's violating Sea Breeze.