- Lois Griffin: [while changing Stewie] And I'm just ashamed of myself that I let Peter's jealousy prevent me from rekindling an old friendship just because it was with a man.
- Brian Griffin: Yeah. Peter's not exactly the most understanding guy when it comes to you and other man. Like that time at the movies?
- [flashback]
- Hugh Grant: [stutters] This is... My, this is terribly awkward. But...
- [stutters]
- Hugh Grant: I wanted to tell you something. But... I don't know. I seem to be so charmingly befuddled.
- Lois Griffin: Oh, that Hugh Grant is so handsome.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, is that how it is? Come here, you home-wrecking bastard!
- [punches the screen and tears it]
- Chris Griffin: Don't do it, Dad! He's bigger than you!
- [back to present]
- Brian Griffin: And when you went to that concert?
- [flashback]
- Man: Thank you. Thank you very much. This next one is for all the ladies out there.
- [everyone cheers, but Peter walks to the stage and punches him; back to present]
- Brian Griffin: And then, there was last Saturday night.
- [flashback]
- Lois Griffin: Oh, look at that handsome man.
- Peter Griffin: You son of a bitch!
- [punches the mirror]
- Peter Griffin: [Trying to hear Lois with her old boyfriend in a restourant from the policial van of Joe, turning round the knob] Wait I got to hear more!
- Joe Swanson: Peter, the power's not supposed to go that high!
- Quagmire: [Guys hear Quagmire's thoughts] Damn, this itches, I wonder who gave it to me, problably that skank that needed a ride in the gas station, it's the last time I do somebody a favor... Oh, they must have heard me, oh God! I can hear me...
- [starts singing, watching everywhere while Joe, Peter and Cleveland are watching him]
- Peter Griffin: [Spying Lois from outside to the restourant with binoculars] What the hell is Lois doing with another man?
- Quagmire: Is it possible she's a whore?
- [He looks at Peter]
- Quagmire: Oh, know you, just on weekends to help pay for her mom's dyalipsis? As in my fantasy? Oh, you know what? Let's start over, Hi! I'm Quagmire!
- [He reaches his hand to Peter]
- Stewie Griffin: Yes, yes, do you like cleaning my doodoo, Brian? Say it, say it, say 'I like cleaning your duty, Stewie'. Ha! Don't forget the taint.
- Stewie Griffin: Aaaaah! What the hell do you think you're doing?
- Brian Griffin: Cleaning myself.
- Stewie Griffin: You were clean fifteen minutes ago. Now you're just on vacation.
- Peter Griffin: So, ah, what do you guys do for fun around here?
- Mort Goldman: We like to watch old movies while listening to Hotel California to see if it syncs up in a significant way. And so far, no, nothing has.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt: What a couple of freaks. Gawd, I need a drink.
- Quagmire: Waiter! Martini and a roofie colada.