- Harriette Winslow: Carl, those are my personal and private thoughts.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Ohohoho... and they are personal and private.
- [opens Diary]
- Carl Otis Winslow: March 24th, Raoul's houseboat is beautiful
- Harriette Winslow: Carl?
- Carl Otis Winslow: I'm not finished yet. Chuck is twice the man, Raoul is. April 24th, Carl, I planted this fake diary because I knew you'd read it.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: This diary belongs to Harriette and I will not violate her privacy. And there is nothing you can do to ever change my mind.
- Carl Otis Winslow: How about if I convince Laura to go out on a date with you.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Opens Diary] January 1, We had a wonderful New Years Eve party, except Carl got sick and threw up in the living room.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah skip that part.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 10, Went to the market. I've been there a 100 times, but this time was different. I met Raoul.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Raoul? Whose Raoul?
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait Wait. Raoul is the new produce manager. He introduced himself and I was immediately struck by deep brown eyes, his engaging sense of humor and how delicately he handled my cantalopes.
- Carl Otis Winslow: [Gasps] Why of all the low down...
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Calm down, Carl. Calm down, easy. Raoul asked me out, but I told him that I was happily married.
- Carl Otis Winslow: That a girl, Harriette.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 24th, Raoul's houseoat is beautiful.
- Carl Otis Winslow: What?
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I feel so safe in Raoul's strong arms I love him soo much and I sorta like Carl.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Oh nooo.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well hold on there big guy, listen to this.
- [poins to the part on Harriette's diary]
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Aha, it's over with me and Raoul.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Oh thank god.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Chuck is twice the man Raoul is.
- Carl Otis Winslow: CHUCK?
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Who would've thought Harriette was a bit friendly.
- Carl Otis Winslow: [Open door, sees Tracie Spensor] Oh, my god! Y- w- b- d- Do you know who you are?