Fawlty Towers (TV Series)

Gourmet Night (1975)

Elizabeth Benson: Mrs. Heath

Photos 

Quotes 

• Master Heath : [to Basil]  Haven't you got any PROPER chips?

  Basil Fawlty : Well, these ARE proper French-fried potatoes. You see, the chef IS Continental.

  Master Heath : Couldn't you get an English one?

  Mrs. Heath : Why don't you eat just one or two, dear?

  Master Heath : They're the wrong SHAPE.

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, dear... What shape you usually have? Mickey Mouse shape? Smarties shape? Amphibious landing-craft shape? Poke-in-the-eye shape?

  Master Heath : God, you're dumb.

  Mrs. Heath : Oh, now.

  Basil Fawlty : [gritting his teeth]  Is there something we can get you instead, SONNY?

  Master Heath : I'd like some bread and salad cream.

  Basil Fawlty : To eat? Well, there's the bread, and there's the mayonnaise.

  Master Heath : I said "salad cream", stupid.

  Basil Fawlty : We don't HAVE any salad cream. The chef made this freshly this morning.

  Master Heath : What a dump!

  Mr. Heath : Th-h-h-h-h-h-h-his is very good.

  Mrs. Heath : [firmly]  He likes salad cream.

  Master Heath : That's PUKE, that is.

  Basil Fawlty : Well, at least it's FRESH puke!

• Mrs. Heath : Might I ask why you don't have proper salad cream. I mean, most restaurants...

  Basil Fawlty : Well, the, uh, the chef usually buys it only on special occassions. You know, Gourmet Nights and so on, but, um, when he's got the bottle - OH! - he's genius with it. He can unscrew the cap like Robert Carrier. It's a treat to watch, and then - ptptptpt! - right in the plate. Never on the walls. Magic. Mind you, he's a wizard with a tin opener, too. He's got a Pulizer Prize for that. He can out the stuff in the saucepan before you can say "haute cuisine." You name it, he'll heat it up and scrape it off the pan for you. Mind you, skill like that isn't picked up overnight. Still, I'll tell him to get some salad cream. I mean, you never know when Henry Kissenger is gonna drop in, do you?

• Mrs. Heath : [about Master Heath]  He's very clever. Rather highly strung.

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, yes, he should be.