Frasier (TV Series)

Leapin' Lizards (1995)

Dan Butler: Bulldog Briscoe

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kate Costas : Stop busting Frasier's chops; enough said?

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Well I could, but see all these lines lit up? They're all waiting to tell me how funny it was.

  Kate Costas : [to Pete, his producer]  Are all these callers waiting to tell Bulldog how much they liked the joke he played on Frasier?

  Pete : All except the guy on nine, he thinks Bulldog sucks.

  Kate Costas : Because of what he did to Frasier?

  Pete : No, just in general.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : So, what do you want me to do?

  Kate Costas : If you think I'm going to allow you to publicly mock one of our most respected hosts on air just for the sake of higher ratings, you and I are going to get along just fine!

  [smiles and leaves] 

• [Frasier's phone rings. Bulldog is calling from his show, using a snooty voice] 

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Hello, this is Dr. Julius Erving. I'm calling for Dr. Niles Crane. His receptionist said he might be there.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm sorry, I am expecting him if you'd like to leave a message.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : No, no, nothing important. Some of the boys here at the club have a little bet going about "The Mikado".

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, perhaps I can help, I'm Niles' brother, Dr. Frasier Crane and as luck would have it, I was in an all-male version of "The Mikado" at Oxford. People still ask to see my "Yum-Yum!"

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : I don't suppose you happen to remember the words to "Three Little Maids"?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, let me see. Of course my falsetto isn't what it used to be, but, um...

  [high-pitched voice] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : "Three little maids from school are we, prim as a schoolgirl well well be, filled to the brim with girlish glee, three little maids from school!"

  [Martin enters with his radio, laughing] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Dad, would you please be quiet? I'm trying to settle a bet here!

  Martin : You sure are. Some caller bet Bulldog he couldn't make you sing over the air!

  [laughs] 

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : [normal voice]  Sayonara, Doc!

• Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : [Bulldog carries on with his show]  I asked the Raiders defensive line to describe their tackling skills and here's what they said:

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [recording plays]  Three little maids from school are we, three little maiddddds from school!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [Barging into the broadcast room after Bulldog has played another joke on him]  I warned you!

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Hey, hey, clear your jets. Kate told me to keep busting ya. Said it's good for ratings. You got a beef, take it up with her!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I don't believe you.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Pete, what did Kate say?

  Pete : She said you're a pig.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : No, before that.

  Pete : She said to keep raggin' on the doc.

  [Frasier stomps out] 

• Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Jack, how can I put this to you delicately? You're a moron! Shut up! You know squat! You know less than squat! You and squat could go to the movies and squat could wear an "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt!