Frasier (TV Series)

Someone to Watch Over Me (1995)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Quotes 

• Niles : Well, as some illustrious person said, "popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity."

  Frasier : You just made that up, didn't you?

  Niles : Yes, but I stand by it.

• Frasier : Dad, she's not a wierdo. She's simply a woman who finds me utterly fascinating.

  Niles : And the distinction would be?

• Frasier : [answering door]  Who is it?

  Niles : Lizzie Borden, I want you to autograph my hatchet.

• Frasier : [as the doorbell to his apartment rings, Frasier gets up to answer]  Oh Niles, you make me sound like a goat staked out in a clearing. No one is hunting me down. No one is closing in on me.

  [Frasier opens the door to find a large number of balloons floating outside] 

  Frasier : Oh. Look. These must be from the station

  [Frasier sees a card attached to the balloons and removes it] 

  Frasier : [Reading the card]  "From your number one fan Kari. Your time has come. You're finally going to get what you deserve."

  Niles : The loop tightens!

  Frasier : Oh, stop it Niles. She's probably just referring to the fact that it's time I win this award. Try as you will you are not going to turn me into some sort of a nervous wreck.

  [Frasier goes to bring the balloons inside but accidentally bursts one of them, startling him] 

  Frasier : It's just not going to happen

• Frasier : Well, you're a fountain of comfort this evening!

  Niles : Oh, I'm just teasing. If you must know, I'm a little jealous. I told Maris about your troubles. All she does is sulk and talk about bodyguards. "Why don't we need one? Aren't we important enough to be stalked?" I have no idea what to say to the poor woman.

  Martin Crane : Tell her to just go on being herself and her day will come.

• Niles : Just so you know, Frasier, I have unusually small kidneys.