Frasier (TV Series)

The Show Where Sam Shows Up (1995)

Ted Danson: Sam Malone

Photos 

Quotes 

• [correcting a continuity error from Cheers] 

  Martin : [about Frasier]  Hey, Sam, what'd he tell you about me, the father, the old cop?

  Sam Malone : Well, uh, he told me you were dead.

  Martin : [surprised]  Dead?

  Frasier : Well, we had an argument one day. He called me a stuffed shirt and hung up on me. I was mad.

  Sam Malone : [to Martin]  You were a cop?

  [to Frasier] 

  Sam Malone : You told me he was a research scientist.

  [Martin reacts] 

  Frasier : [to Martin]  You were dead! What did it matter?

• Frasier : What the hell you do mean, you were about to get married?

  Sam Malone : All right, all right. Uh, well, I met this girl six months ago, and we were supposed to get married. And yesterday, I was standing in this church facing this minister, and I hear him say, "Will you take this woman to be your wife?" and I said, "Who, me?" Well, the next thing you know, I'm running down the aisle and I didn't stop running until I got here.

  Frasier : So you're not in Seattle because of the Mariners.

  Sam Malone : Believe me, no ballplayer is in Seattle because of the Mariners.

• Sam Malone : This is strange. I gotta tell you, I didn't know he had a brother.

  Niles : Frasier, I don't mind telling you I'm a little offended that all the time you spent swapping bon mots with the beer nut set you never once mentioned you had a brother?

  Sam Malone : Well, you know, the truth is, I bet he said something, it's just that when Frasier gets going you kind of have to tune him out.

  Niles : That's a good slogan for his radio show- "Dr. Frasier Crane, when he gets going, you have to tune him out."

• Frasier : All right, all right, look, look, Sam, come, let's have a seat here and start this thing from the very beginning. Now, who is this woman?

  Sam Malone : Ah, she's a terrific person. She's smart, and she's funny; she's horny. I mean, she's just the kind of chick you wanna stick up on a pedestal.

  Frasier : You know, Sam, it's always amazed me how you can elevate and demean in the same sentence.

• Sam Malone : I'll tell you, man: She's one in million.

  Frasier : You know, for most guys that's just an expression.

• Roz Doyle : [entering from booth]  Fras, I gotta go. Your messages are on my desk and... whoa, who is this?

  Sam Malone : I'm Sam Malone. I was a buddy of Frasier's in Boston.

  Frasier : This is Roz Doyle.

  Roz Doyle : [to Frasier]  So this is the Sam Malone you've always talked about? The one who has no respect for women and treats them like dirt?

  [to Sam] 

  Roz Doyle : Need anyone to show you around Seattle?

  Sam Malone : Well, you know, to tell you the truth, I'm all right with the city, but I get real lost in my hotel room.

  Frasier : Oh, boy. Just look at the two of you face to face. I imagine wild animals all over the Northwest are lifting their heads, alerted to the scent. Good-bye, Roz.

  Roz Doyle : Well, if you need any company, give me a call. Here's my number.

  Sam Malone : Well, thanks. That's a snazzy card.

  Frasier : Yes, it glows in the dark.

  Roz Doyle : So do I.

• Frasier : So, who's Sheila?

  Sam Malone : Just the um... woman I'm supposed to marry.

  Frasier : Marry? When?

  Sam Malone : Uh, oh boy, um, yesterday.

• Sam Malone : Hey, you know, here's some good news: Woody and Kelly, they had a baby boy.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, that is wonderful!

  [pauses] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Is he...?

  Sam Malone : [long pause]  No, he's smart. He's smart.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh! Well, genetics takes a holiday, huh?

• Sam Malone : Hey listen, you wanna really put a smile on Maris's face, let me tell you what you do.

  [whispers in Nile's ear] 

  Niles : Exactly where am I supposed to find whipped cream and a car battery at this hour?

  Sam Malone : You got neighbors, don't you?

• Dr. Frasier Crane : So, uh, how's everybody at Cheers?

  Sam Malone : Oh, wow. Uh, well, let's see... you know that Rebecca finally married that plumber?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, yes... it's ironic, isn't it? You know, she spends all her energy trying to land some rich guy and she ends up with an ordinary plumber.

  Sam Malone : Well, that ordinary plumber struck gold. He's got a patent on some low-flow toilet thing. I mean, he's rich beyond her wildest dreams.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, heck, I'm happy for her.

  Sam Malone : Well, don't be - he dumped her. She's back at the bar.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Working at Cheers again?

  Sam Malone : No, she's just back at the bar.

• Sam Malone : Oh, wow, hey, something sure smells yummy here.

  [leans in closer to Daphne] 

  Sam Malone : Oh, wait a second, I think it's me.