- Philip Banks: [when Will and Jazz are watching a movie] I'll be back soon, Vivian. I'm gonna get a snack.
- William 'Will' Smith: Jazz, hide!
- Jazz: I thought your uncle was asleep.
- William 'Will' Smith: He must have had that recurring nightmare where he misses a meal.
- Philip Banks: Jazz, can you give us your account?
- Jazz: Can't. They closed my account. They said I was writing bad checks, but my checks were completely legible.
- William 'Will' Smith: [to Uncle Phil after he gets subpoenaed] You mean, I buy a car without your permission, I drive it without insurance, and you get sued? Dah, well, works for me.
- William 'Will' Smith: Look at this license plate. It used to say, "Cold Chillin." Now it just says, "Old Chilli."
- Hilary Banks: Let's play rock paper scissors.
- William 'Will' Smith: No, let's play 3 Stooges
- [eye gouge fingers, Curly voice]
- William 'Will' Smith: Hey Moe!
- Eric: What's the name of your insurance company?
- William 'Will' Smith: Yo'fault. I ain't gone none and I don't need none cuz it's your fault.