- Agent 99: [Chuck has slipped on a bananaskin and fell of the rooftop] Oh, Max isn't that ironic? It took a modern jungle to kill that beast.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: No, 99, 't was beauty who killed the beast.
- Agent 99: Beauty? Oh, Max, thank you.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: Oh, I didn't mean you, 99 'Beauty' is the brand name of these bananas.
- Chuck Armstrong: Control agents are blocking both ends of the street. There's a squad of Control agents surrounding the entire building. We got seven Control Agents in the apartments facing this building. We've asked the CIA for an agent to help us out. He's stationed on the window ledge of the 81st floor of the Kensington Building which overlooks the entire area.
- Roberts: On the 81st floor? that's dangerous, he could fall off.
- Chuck Armstrong: That's why we asked for a CIA agent.
- Dr. Matthew Rath: One year ago, I took a full grown mature ape, and through a series of injections, transformed him so he looks human. But in his brain is the savagery and the killer instinct of a gorilla.
- Otto Cronin: It is absolutely amazing!
- Dr. Matthew Rath: I'll tell you what else is amazing, Cronin.
- Otto Cronin: What?
- Dr. Matthew Rath: That you and I can be here like this and converse in a German accent for hour after hour, and neither one of us is German.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: I don't understand, Chief, what kind of an ape could be intelligent enough to put a banana in the mail?
- Larabee: Probably one that worked in the post office.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: That's ridiculous, Larabee.
- Larabee: I understand during the Christmas rush they'll hire anything.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: That's right, Armstrong: the old fake fingertips on the fire escape trick.