- Frances "Gidget" Lawrence: [narrating sarcastically] I simply adore being referred to in the third person, especially when I'm standing there in the first person.
- Frances "Gidget" Lawrence: [narrating when Russell refers to her as a little girl] Every time he lops 10 years off my age, I add 15 to his.
- Frances "Gidget" Lawrence: [to Russell about the girl he's going to go on a date with] Well, I mean, if you work around food, shouldn't you look like you eat it once in a while?
- Frances "Gidget" Lawrence: [to Anne about John] See? What'd I tell you? He didn't marry you for love. He married you for research.
- Frances "Gidget" Lawrence: Maternal? Ugh, all of a sudden, that turns out to be the ickiest word in the English language.