The Honeymooners (TV Series)
A Matter of Life and Death (1955)
Art Carney: Ed Norton
Photos
Quotes
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Dick Gersh : Tell me, Dr. Norton, what school did you attend?
Ed Norton : P.S., 31 Oyster Bay.
Dick Gersh : No, I mean, what medical school?
Ralph : Oh, uh, he went to Oxford.
Dick Gersh : Oh, in England.
Ed Norton : Is that where it is?
Dick Gersh : You mean you went to school in Oxford and you don't know it's in England?
Ed Norton : Well, to tell you the truth, sir, it was so foggy over there, I don't know where it was.
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Ed Norton : [responding to Ralph's request that Ed pose as a phony doctor] Don't touch me, Ralph! I'm sterile!
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Ed Norton : [Ralph plans to leave Norton in his will his pair of bowling shoes] You know, I was just going to go out and buy myself a new pair of bowling shoes. This couldn't happen at a better time!
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Ed Norton : [to Ralph] You got a very interesting story there, a story of a man doomed to six months to live. Why don't you do like a friend of mine did? He had the hiccups for three weeks, and he sold his story to a magazine. You know, the American Weekly? He got $5,000 for it!
Ralph : Five thousand dollars for a story about hiccups?
Ed Norton : Yeah.
Ralph : I ought to be a cinch to get $10,000 dying. This is a real human interest story. People will want to read about this. Everybody'll read it! I can see it now, the first installment, the title of it: "Doomed Man Has Only Six Months To Go."
Ed Norton : Uh, I think that's a little lengthy for the title. They'll probably chop it down, make it shorter, like, uh... "In Six Months, Blimp Takes Off."
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Ed Norton : Doctors can be wrong too, you know. How about a friend of mine. Doctor examined him, gave him only 6 months to live too. Boy, he made a monkey out of that doctor.
Ralph Kramden : What happened?
Ed Norton : He lived for almost 8 months.
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Ed Norton : He must be approaching the Pearly Gates right now. At this time, they're probably tearing down part of the fence to let him in.
