- Ed Norton: [as they do the commercial] Tell me, O Chef of the Future, can it core a...
- [sic]
- Ed Norton: ... apple?
- Ralph Kramden: Oh, it can core a...
- [sic]
- Ralph Kramden: ... apple.
- Ed Norton: [as he and Ralph do the commercial] If my wife Trixie is looking in, and when I come home, she says, "I told you so," I'm gonna belt her right in the mouth!
- Ralph Kramden: Two thousand dollars, Alice! That's big, big, big! This is probably the biggest thing I ever got into.
- Alice Kramden: The biggest thing you ever got into was your pants.
- Ralph Kramden: We spend $200, we make $2000 and the profit is 1800. We can't lose.
- Ed Norton: Can't lose, huh? That's what you said when you bought the parking lot next to where they were building up the movie house there. You said, "People going to the movies got to have a place to park their car."
- Ralph Kramden: How did I know they were building a drive-in theater?
- Ralph Kramden: Look, Alice, please, it's simple arithmetic. We buy something for ten cents, and we sell it for a dollar! It's that simple.
- Alice Kramden: If it's so simple, Ralph, why didn't the man who had these things in his warehouse sell them and make this big profit?
- Ralph Kramden: Because he thinks small like you do. He thinks he's got to go from door to door to sell these things. That's where my great idea comes in. I go on television and in five minutes, I can sell the whole 2,000 of them. Look, how long do you think it would take that guy to sell 2,000 of these if he went from door to door?
- Alice Kramden: About one minute if this was the first door he knocked on.
- Ralph Kramden: Oh, I'd like to belt you just once!
- [Alice points out to Ralph how all of his other schemes have failed]
- Ralph Kramden: Nobody's one hundred percent, Alice.
- Alice Kramden: You are. You've been wrong every time!
- Ralph Kramden: Alice, this thing is the key to my future, the key to my future.
- Alice Kramden: Don't tell me they got an attachment on here for opening the door at Bellevue.
- Alice Kramden: One harebrained scheme after another. That is all I've heard since the day we got married.
- Ralph Kramden: You heard one of my harebrained schemes before we got married. I proposed to you.