The Honeymooners (TV Series)

Brother Ralph (1955)

Audrey Meadows: Alice Kramden

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alice Kramden : [Ralph has gone into the bedroom to get Alice's slippers]  Oh, Ralph? Ralph!

  Ralph Kramden : [comes out, mildly annoyed]  What is it now?

  Alice Kramden : I forgot to tell ya something and it's very important. I told Tony that I lived with my brother. See, he doesn't know that I'm married, so when he gets here, you just say you're my brother.

  Ralph Kramden : [nods in agreement, turns to go into the bedroom, and immediately storms out]  *WHAT*? You told him that you were not what and I'm who?

  Alice Kramden : Well, I couldn't very well tell him that I was married. They don't believe in hiring married women; it's an office rule.

  Ralph Kramden : [getting steamed, somewhat incredulous]  And also that Frank and Bill and Pete and George, they don't know that you're married, either?

  Alice Kramden : Of course not. See, they figured that if they hired a married woman, she might leave to start a family, or her husband might tell her to quit to something.

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, they're so right! You are quittin'! You are quittin'! And this isn't your brother talkin', this is your husband!

• Alice Kramden : [Ralph has been laid off and Alice is talking about getting a job to help make ends meet]  I can get a job as a secretary.

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, you can. And who do you think is gonna do the housework around here?

  Alice Kramden : [smiles sweetly]  Guess...

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, no! No, sir, Alice. No, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir! No, sir! Not me!

  Alice Kramden : Oh, yes, you are, Ralph! I'm getting a job and you're gonna do the housework!

• Alice Kramden : Listen, Ralph, I did not spend that money on clothes and you know it! Besides, how far do you think 62 dollars a week will go?

  Ralph Kramden : Will you shut your big mouth and stop yelling my salary? I don't want the neighbors to know how much I'm makin'!

  Alice Kramden : Sixty-two dollars a week!

  [yelling] 

  Alice Kramden : Sixty-two dollars a week! SIXTY-TWO DOLLARS A WEEK!

  Ralph Kramden : Will you stop that? I don't want my salary to leak out!

  Alice Kramden : *Your* salary couldn't *drip* out!

  Ralph Kramden : Ooh, you're flirting with death!