The Honeymooners (TV Series)

Dial J for Janitor (1956)

Audrey Meadows: Alice Kramden

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ralph : Why should I cut out bowling? It's my only relaxation. Besides, the exercise is good for me to keep down my weight.

  Alice : You don't need anything to keep your weight down. You need something to hold it up.

• Ralph : I was handling that janitor job just perfect. Then that thing had to happen. And it wasn't my fault, Alice, it wasn't my fault.

  Alice : No. No, it wasn't your fault, Ralph. You were just doing an impersonation of two pounds of bologna in a one-pound bag.

• Alice : [Norton had asked Alice for a wrench to fix his pipes]  I thought the janitor was gonna fix the pipes.

  Norton : Ah, that janitor fix the pipes. He don't fix nothing. I'm telling ya, I'm getting pretty sick and tired of this, you know. Everybody in the building gets water, except us.

  Alice : I know, Ed, and it's no joke.

  Norton : You tell me it's no joke. Boy, I never thought I'd live to see the day when I'd work eight hours in the sewer and come home and want to see water!