The Honeymooners (TV Series)

Head of the House (1956)

Jackie Gleason: Ralph Kramden

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Alice has hung up on Ralph after he calls her to cook a meal for Joe Fensterblau] 

  Ralph Kramden : [to Norton]  You and I, we're goin' home, we're gonna cook that meal ourselves. When Fensterblau gets there tonight, I'll say that Alice cooked it, but she had an appointment, and she had to leave.

  Ed Norton : That's a good idea. After all, men are the best chefs, aren't they? Oscar of the Waldorf, Pierre of the Ritz, Grace Kelly's father...

  Ralph Kramden : What does Grace Kelly's father got to do with it?

  Ed Norton : He cooked up a pretty sweet dish!

• Ed Norton : [Norton is amused that Ralph had told a newspaper reporter that he is the boss of his house]  I'm just tryin' to get a picture of what you're gonna look like in a French Foreign Legion uniform.

  Ralph Kramden : Are you trying to tell me that I'm afraid of Alice?

  Ed Norton : I know you. We're buddies for a good long time, Ralph. I know you pretty good. Now, just take a little advice. Get on a phone and call that newspaper, and tell them to hold the presses, stop the presses, and don't print that statement.

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, no. Not me, Norton. That's the kind of a thing you'd do, but not me. And that's the difference between us, Norton. That's the difference. I am a boss; you are a mouse.

  Ed Norton : Well, I got one more thing to say: I'd rather be a live mouse than a dead boss.

• Ralph Kramden : On the day we were married, I said two things: one, "I do," and two, "I'm the boss."

• Ralph Kramden : That paper is not getting into this house, Alice.

  Ed Norton : [Norton enters with the newspaper]  Say Ralphie boy, picture in the paper, there it is, everything you said, word for word.

  Alice Kramden : Ralph's picture? What did he say?

  Ed Norton : Didn't the head of the household show it to you.

• Ralph Kramden : If he had asked me that question, I would have said without hesitation that I am the boss of my household. I'm the one that gives the orders. I'm the one that makes all the decisions.