The Honeymooners (TV Series)

The Sleepwalker (1955)

Jackie Gleason: Ralph Kramden

Quotes 

• Alice Kramden : Trixie hasn't had any sleep in three nights. If she doesn't get some rest soon, she's just gonna waste away to nothing.

  Ralph Kramden : She didn't have any sleep in three nights? How about me? I haven't slept in three nights! She'll waste away? Don't you care if I waste away?

  Alice Kramden : Yes, I care, Ralph! But you wouldn't waste away if you stayed awake for nine years.

  Ralph Kramden : How would you like to waste away on the moon?

• [Ralph and Norton are about to go to bed together when Ralph shows Norton a toothbrush] 

  Ralph Kramden : Norton?

  Ed Norton : What?

  Ralph Kramden : Did you use my toothbrush?

  Ed Norton : I dunno.

  Ralph Kramden : What do you mean you don't know?

  Ed Norton : Well, you got a red toothbrush and I got a red toothbrush. They was layin' side by side and I didn't know which was which, so I just went, "Eeeny, meeny, miney, mo."

  Ralph Kramden : [holds up toothbrush]  Is this Mo?

  Ed Norton : [looks at toothbrush]  Yep, that's Mo all right.

  Ralph Kramden : Well, for your information, Mo happens to be my toothbrush.

  Ed Norton : Oh, I was wonderin' why there was somethin' familiar about Miney.

• Ed Norton : Hey, Ralph, you want an apple?

  Ralph Kramden : No.

  Ed Norton : How about a banana?

  Ralph Kramden : I don't want any banana.

  Ed Norton : How about a nice kumquat?

  Ralph Kramden : Norton, I don't want any fruit of any kind!

• Ed Norton : Ralph, are you sure you don't want a kumquat?

  Ralph Kramden : [screaming]  WILL YOU GO TO SLEEP!

• Ralph Kramden : [in his sleep]  Come on, Alice, I'm not snoring!

• Ralph Kramden : We've got money in the bank, haven't we?

  Alice Kramden : Yes, we have money in the bank. Three dollars and 31 cents.

  Ralph Kramden : Three dollars and 31 cents? Well, what do you do with all the money, Alice.

  Alice Kramden : I put it in the bank.

• Alice Kramden : Ralph, you have to do something. If anything happened to Ed, you would hate yourself.

  Ralph Kramden : Not for long, I have a very forgiving nature.

• Ralph Kramden : You're wasting your time, Doc. That mental block is made out of cement.

• Ralph Kramden : He eats, sleeps, and exercises all at the same time.