House M.D. (TV Series)

Damned If You Do (2004)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

Quotes 

• Dr. Gregory House : [sees bowls of candy canes set out for Christmas]  Candy *canes*? Are you mocking me?

• Sister Mary Eucharist : I need to talk with you, Dr. House. Sister Augustine believes in things that aren't real.

  Dr. Gregory House : I thought that was a job requirement for you people?

• Sister Mary Augustine : Why is it so difficult for you to believe in God?

  Dr. Gregory House : What I have difficulty with is the whole concept of belief. Faith isn't based on logic and experience.

  Sister Mary Augustine : I experience God on a daily basis, in the miracle of life all around, the miracle of birth, the miracle of love. He is always with me.

  Dr. Gregory House : Where is the miracle in delivering a crack-addicted baby, hmm, and watching her mother abandon her because she needs another score? Miracle of love. You're over twice as likely to be killed by the person you love than by a stranger.

• Dr. Eric Foreman : You are aware of the Hippocratic oath, right?

  Dr. Gregory House : The one that starts, "First, do no harm", then goes on to tell us: no abortions, no seductions, and definitely no cutting of those who labor beneath the stone? Yeah, took a read once. Wasn't impressed.

• Dr. Gregory House : You know nuns. What do you think?

  Dr. Robert Chase : I don't know nuns.

  Dr. Gregory House : You hate nuns. Can't hate someone if you don't know them.

  Dr. Robert Chase : Know any Nazis? Maybe I hate them on principle.

• Dr. James Wilson : [after unsuccessfully brainstorming a list of possible causes for the allergy]  Maybe it's just divine will.

  Dr. Gregory House : It's not my will.

• Dr. Gregory House : She has God inside of her. Would have been easier to deal with a tumor.

• Dr. James Wilson : You wanna come over for Christmas dinner?

  Dr. Gregory House : You're Jewish.

  Dr. James Wilson : Yeah, Hanukkah dinner. What... what do you care? It's food. It's people.

• Dr. Gregory House : What do you know about the nun?

  Dr. Robert Chase : Which one?

  Dr. Gregory House : [exasperated]  The cute one. I think she likes me.

• Dr. Gregory House : [flicks a piece of popcorn at Dr. Cuddy]  Oops, I missed.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : What are you, eight?

  Dr. Gregory House : Could an eight year old do this?

  [sticks his tongue out and makes a messed up face] 

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Better stop or it'll stick that way.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Mother Superior]  Do all of you lie? It's good strategy. It's simpler when you all tell the same lie, but she did not spend her entire life as a good Catholic. When she had a cardiac arrest, I had to open her blouse to do CPR, and I learned two things: Nuns can have nice beasts, and she has a tattoo on her shoulder - of a skunk. Now, maybe it's the sacred skunk of Joseph, but as far as I know, Catholic foster care and monasteries do not keep tattoo parlors in their refectories.

• Dr. Gregory House : You know how it is with nuns, you take out their IUDs, they just bounce right back.