How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Belly Full of Turkey (2005)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Stripper : I'm Amber.

  Ted : Oh, I'm Ted.

  [Shake hands] 

  Stripper : Actually, I'm Tracey.

  Ted : Still Ted.

  Narrator : And that kids is the true story of how I met your mother.

  Son , Daughter : WHAT?

  Narrator : Haha, I'm kidding.

• Robin : Wait, so you're not going home for Thanksgiving?

  Ted : No, I have to work on Friday. You?

  Robin : I'm Canadian, remember? We celebrate Thanksgiving in October.

  Ted : Oh, right, I forgot, you guys are weird. You pronounce the word "out" "ouut."

  Robin : You guys are the world leader in handgun violence, your healthcare system is bankrupt, and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue.

  Ted : ...Your cops are called "mounties."

• Ted : [together with Robin sees Barney among the volunteers at a Thanksgiving shelter dinner for the homeless]  Barney!

  Barney : Hi, guys!

  Ted : What are you doing here?

  Barney : Just the Lord's work.

  Ted : But you're Satan!

  Barney : Guys! Ok. Look. I don't advertise it but I volunteered here. I think it's important to help the less fortunate. I'm the Angelina Jolie of incredibly hot guys.

• Ted : Hey, Barn, what do you say you let us step in for your scoop stuffing for a little bit?

  Barney : Ha! You wanna scoop stuff on your first day out?

  [mimes holding a phone to his ear with his hand] 

  Barney : "Hello, NFL, can I be quarterback this Sunday?" Dude.

• Ted : You want a good holiday drink, try his Quanzapolitan.

• [about having to do community service after being caught urinating in public] 

  Barney : I was unfarely punished because the wall belonged to the judge's church.

  Ted : You peed on a church?

  Barney : I peed in an alley which happened to have a church which I did not see, because I was drunk!

  Ted : [happily]  You *are* evil!

  Robin : All is right with the world again.

• Barney : Okay, Ted. I found a way for you to help someone, to do some good. This is Walter. Walter is homeless. And Walter would like a lap dance.

  Ted : Are you joking?

  Barney : I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment.

• Robin : Have you met Ted?

  Ted : I am the aforementioned Ted.

  Amanda : Cool, so what do you do around here?

  Ted : Well... I... uh... I do nothing, absolutely nothing.

  Amanda : Well, I think I can find something for you and your girlfriend to do.

  Ted : Oh, she's not my girlfriend.

  Robin : I'm his ex-girlfriend. I just wasn't enough woman for him. Emotionally... or sexually.

  Robin : [Robin goes up behind Amanda]  Oh... my... God.

• Ted : Barney's got his own Thanksgiving tradition.

  Barney : Thanksgiving in a strip club, who's in? The Lusty Leopard has a surprisingly good Thanksgiving buffet. Plus, they do this thing. Heather dresses up as a pilgrim and Misty dresses up as an Indian, and they "share a meal".

  Lily : Oh, Barney.

  Lily : I'm sorry, Native American.