How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Matchmaker (2005)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Quotes 

• Lily Aldrin : Raise your hand if earlier today, you hit on an engaged woman.

  [Ted begrudgingly raises his hand with a sigh, but so does Barney, inciting a look of disgust and mild surprise from Lily] 

  Barney Stinson : Come on, Lily, don't hate the player, hate the game.

• Lily : Oh, just play it cool. Don't Ted out about it.

  Ted : Did you just use my name as a verb?

  Barney : Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. Ted-out: to over-think. Also see Ted-up. Ted-up: to over-think something with disastrous results. Sample sentence: Billy Tedded up when...

  Ted : [Interrupting]  OK, I get it.

• Barney Stinson : [to Ted]  Marshall ran away from a cockroach.

  Marshall : It was a mouse!

  Barney Stinson : Oh, sorry, my bad, you're a man.

• [Ellen Pierce, owner of "Love Solutions" matchmaking service, has just threatened to stomp the crap out of Barney if he doesn't leave for his insincere intentions] 

  Barney : [bolts for the door]  Okay, Ted, let's go.

  Ellen Pierce : [pointing at Ted to sit back down]  Not you - you stay.

  [looking at Ted's application] 

  Ellen Pierce : You're cute. Good career. And you didn't use an obvious alias on your application like your friend "Jack Package".

  Barney : [from other side of door]  It's pronounced "Pa-kaz".

• Lily : [about the Cockamouse]  It's some sort of mutant combination of the two. It's as if a cockroach and a mouse... you know...

  Barney : Hit the horizontal ten-legged inter-species cha-cha?

  Robin : That's impossible. That simply can't happen.

  Lily : Oh, but it can.

  Marshall : And it has.

  Lily : And it's pissed.

• [At MacLaren's Pub, watching a taped television news segment by Robin, who is interviewing Ellen Pierce, the owner of "Love Solutions", a matchmaking service. In the background, a young blonde enters the service] 

  Barney : Was that chick at the end really a client?

  Robin : Yes

  Barney : We're signing up... Ted, these chicks are desperate and hot. That's a perfect cocktail. Shake well, then sleep with.

  Ted : I'm not going to a matchmaker. That's like giving up. It's the man version of getting a cat.