How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Okay Awesome (2005)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Quotes 

• Barney : One of the 24 similarities between women and fish, They're both attracted to shiny objects. You never read my blog, do you?

• Barney : "Okay" is the name of a club. It's really exclusive. A friend of mine once stood outside for two hours and didn't get in.

  Ted : A friend of yours named "you?"

  Barney : No, a friend of mine named "Shut up!"

• Barney : [about the owner of Okay getting Robin on the VIP list]  Yeah, he just wants to show you his own VIP if you know what I mean...

  Robin Scherbatsky : What does VIP stand for in your own universe?

  Barney : Well I know the P is penis.

• Barney : My, oh, my, there are some ferocious looking cutlets here tonight. Okay, hookup strategy, colon: Find a cutlet, lock her in early, grind with her all night 'till she's mine.

  Ted : Do these strategies ever work for you?

  Barney : The question is, do these strategies ever *not* work for me. Either way, the answer's "about half the time."

• Robin Scherbatsky : [entering the bar, to Ted]  Say you're my bitch.

  Ted : I'm your bitch. Why this time?

  Robin Scherbatsky : I just got us into "Okay".

  Barney : "Okay"?! Awesome!

  Ted : What happened; did I just have a stoke?

• Ted : Barney!

  Barney : Ted, get your coat, we're leaving.

  Ted : What? What happened to that, uh..."cutlet" you were grinding with?

  Barney : That was my cousin Leslie.

  Ted : [laughing hysterically]  WHAT?

  Barney : No, NO!

  [grabs Ted] 

  Barney : No. We are not laughing about this, Ted! This is not gonna be some funny story that we'll be telling in a couple of months, it's not going to be like, "Hey, heh, remember that time that you were GRINDING with - " NO. And do you know why? Because, italics: This night did *not* happen. And you promise me that you will never ever *ever* tell another living soul what transpired here tonight. You promise.

  Ted : Aww...

  Barney : Promise!

• [entering a room] 

  Barney : And his hair was perfect.

• [after leaving the loud club, everyone is talking very loudly in the cab ride home] 

  Ted : I'm really glad you guys came out tonight!

  Marshall Eriksen : You know, dude, can I just say something? It kinda hurt that you guys didn't invite me out. I mean, I know things have changed since I got engaged, but it would have been nice to be asked.

  Ted : I'm sorry. I just assumed...

  Barney : They played some great songs tonight!

  Ted : I mean, lately...

  Marshall Eriksen : I know, I know, it just seems like suddenly we're living in two different worlds. Maybe you've got more in common with Barney.

  Barney : [turns around]  What?

  Ted : Are you crazy? You think I like going to those clubs? I'd so much rather go to your fruity little wine tasting.

  Lily : [waking up]  Oh, my God, I'm gonna barf! Where's my purse! Where's my purse! I -... No, I'm okay.

  [goes back to sleep] 

  Ted : The problem is you can't do any of that couples stuff unless you have someone to do it with! And the only way I'm gonna find that someone is by going out and doing stupid singles stuff with Barney!

  Barney : [turns around]  What?

  Ted : But, man, when I find her, we're gonna have some bad-ass wine tastings.

  Marshall Eriksen : It's a plan. Hey, maybe it'll be that cute Coat Check Girl!

  Ted : Yeah! Maybe it will be!

  Older Ted Mosby : It wasn't.

  Marshall Eriksen : You know, Ted, I don't say this nearly enough, but I really value our...

  Barney : Hey, that place has great salads!

• Ted : [to the Coat Check Girl]  Hey. Thanks for saving my night. I'll talk to you soon?

  [Coat Check Girl smiles at him] 

  Ted : Hey, tip her, Barney.

  Barney : Why, I didn't check a coat, and even if I did, on principle, tip jars have become so...

  Ted : [to the Coat Check Girl]  Funny story, Barney was grinding with this girl all night...

  Barney : Fine!

  [gives her some cash and leaves quickly] 

  Ted : That's a handy new trick.