How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Okay Awesome (2005)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney : "Okay" is the name of a club. It's really exclusive. A friend of mine once stood outside for two hours and didn't get in.

  Ted : A friend of yours named "you?"

  Barney : No, a friend of mine named "Shut up!"

• Ted : These clubs are supposed to be fun, right? Why do I hate them so much?

  Coat Check Girl : Because all of the stuff you're supposed to like usually sucks, like these clubs. Or cruises.

  Ted : Or New Year's Eve.

  Coat Check Girl : Or the Super Bowl.

  Ted : Or parades.

  Coat Check Girl : The Rockettes.

  Ted : Or parades.

  Coat Check Girl : You said that already.

  Ted : I *really*, really hate parades.

• Barney : My, oh, my, there are some ferocious looking cutlets here tonight. Okay, hookup strategy, colon: Find a cutlet, lock her in early, grind with her all night 'till she's mine.

  Ted : Do these strategies ever work for you?

  Barney : The question is, do these strategies ever *not* work for me. Either way, the answer's "about half the time."

• [seeing Ted about to leave] 

  Marshall Eriksen : Ah-ah! Coat wench, do not uncheck this man's jacket!... sorry, I was just being dramatic, you're not a coat wench.

  Coat Check Girl : No, coat wench, I like it. I should get a sign made up.

  Ted : What are you doing here, Lily let you go?

  Marshall Eriksen : Lily? Psshh, who cares, right?

  Ted : You are so dead.

  Marshall Eriksen : Oh, I'm so dead.

• Robin Scherbatsky : [entering the bar, to Ted]  Say you're my bitch.

  Ted : I'm your bitch. Why this time?

  Robin Scherbatsky : I just got us into "Okay".

  Barney : "Okay"?! Awesome!

  Ted : What happened; did I just have a stoke?

• Ted : Barney!

  Barney : Ted, get your coat, we're leaving.

  Ted : What? What happened to that, uh..."cutlet" you were grinding with?

  Barney : That was my cousin Leslie.

  Ted : [laughing hysterically]  WHAT?

  Barney : No, NO!

  [grabs Ted] 

  Barney : No. We are not laughing about this, Ted! This is not gonna be some funny story that we'll be telling in a couple of months, it's not going to be like, "Hey, heh, remember that time that you were GRINDING with - " NO. And do you know why? Because, italics: This night did *not* happen. And you promise me that you will never ever *ever* tell another living soul what transpired here tonight. You promise.

  Ted : Aww...

  Barney : Promise!

• [after leaving the loud club, everyone is talking very loudly in the cab ride home] 

  Ted : I'm really glad you guys came out tonight!

  Marshall Eriksen : You know, dude, can I just say something? It kinda hurt that you guys didn't invite me out. I mean, I know things have changed since I got engaged, but it would have been nice to be asked.

  Ted : I'm sorry. I just assumed...

  Barney : They played some great songs tonight!

  Ted : I mean, lately...

  Marshall Eriksen : I know, I know, it just seems like suddenly we're living in two different worlds. Maybe you've got more in common with Barney.

  Barney : [turns around]  What?

  Ted : Are you crazy? You think I like going to those clubs? I'd so much rather go to your fruity little wine tasting.

  Lily : [waking up]  Oh, my God, I'm gonna barf! Where's my purse! Where's my purse! I -... No, I'm okay.

  [goes back to sleep] 

  Ted : The problem is you can't do any of that couples stuff unless you have someone to do it with! And the only way I'm gonna find that someone is by going out and doing stupid singles stuff with Barney!

  Barney : [turns around]  What?

  Ted : But, man, when I find her, we're gonna have some bad-ass wine tastings.

  Marshall Eriksen : It's a plan. Hey, maybe it'll be that cute Coat Check Girl!

  Ted : Yeah! Maybe it will be!

  Older Ted Mosby : It wasn't.

  Marshall Eriksen : You know, Ted, I don't say this nearly enough, but I really value our...

  Barney : Hey, that place has great salads!

• Coat Check Girl : Yeah, see, if everyone keeps telling you something's supposed to be fun, it's usually not.

  Ted : Right. So, by that logic, if you and I were to, say, go out on a date...

  Coat Check Girl : ...Well, we couldn't go anywhere that's supposed to be fun.

  Ted : Right. The DMV it is.

  Coat Check Girl : Then we'll get our teeth cleaned.

  Ted : Sounds awful. It's a date.

  [they laugh] 

  Ted : But there's still one big question that need to be answered...

  [she stares] 

  Ted : How many of these coats do you think I could put on all at once?

• Ted : [to the Coat Check Girl]  Hey. Thanks for saving my night. I'll talk to you soon?

  [Coat Check Girl smiles at him] 

  Ted : Hey, tip her, Barney.

  Barney : Why, I didn't check a coat, and even if I did, on principle, tip jars have become so...

  Ted : [to the Coat Check Girl]  Funny story, Barney was grinding with this girl all night...

  Barney : Fine!

  [gives her some cash and leaves quickly] 

  Ted : That's a handy new trick.

• Ted : [Talking to Kelly at the club; his words are subtitled due to the loud music]  You really like this place ?

  [Kelly nods] 

  Ted : You have no idea what I'm saying, do you? I'm from outer space! I got thrown out of Sea World for humping a dolphin!

  [Music stops. Ted yells] 

  Ted : I'M WETTING MY PANTS.

  [Everyone stares at him. Kelly leaves] 

  Older Ted Mosby : I think that's when I realized, clubs weren't awesome. Clubs weren't even "okay". Clubs sucked.