How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Wedding (2006)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney : You don't bring a date to a wedding, that's like taking a deer carcass on a hunting trip.

• Barney : You know something... Stewart is my new hero. If that dude can bag a "9". I got to be able to bag like a... "16".

  Ted : What's a "16"?

  Barney : [points to two girls]  Those two "8's" over there... yeah.

• [In MacLaren's Bar, Barney is hitting on Claudia, whose fiance just broke up with her] 

  Barney : Claudia, isn't it weird that we should... run into each other like this? Two souls, of equal levels of attractiveness, both fitting together like two pieces of a very... attractive puzzle.

  Lily : [running up to their booth and grabbing Barney's ear]  Oh, Hell no!

  Barney : [being dragged by ear away from Claudia]  ow, ow, ow, ow!

  Lily : [angrily]  Claudia is getting married tomorrow. And so help me God, if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles, and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out, and then I'll feed them to you like grapes!

  Barney : Wait! My eyes, or my testicles?

  Lily : [momentarily confused, then:]  One of each!

• Barney : Ted you may wanna find a new gender for yourself 'cause I'm revoking your dude membership.

• [to Ted] 

  Barney : Dude, the meter's running! Crap or get off the pot!

• Barney : I mean, seriously, Claudia and Stuart? I mean, I have hooked up with the odd lass who is beneath my level of attractiveness... but... you know, I was drunk. There is no way Claudia has been drunk for three years.