- Jack Benny: I just can't understand why you have to make all that racket with the hammer.
- Chuck: Because the hammer is made out of metal and the pipe is made out of metal.
- Jack Benny: Well, can't you do something to muffle the sound?
- Chuck: Yeah, if you'll be kind enough to help me.
- Jack Benny: OK, what is it you want me to do?
- Chuck: Put your head between the pipe and the hammer.
- Rochester Van Jones: Oh, by the way Boss, the man from the pet shop called and the cheapest he'll be able to take care of the parrot for is 75 cents a day.
- Jack Benny: Oh, I meant to tell you, I took Polly someplace else.
- Rochester Van Jones: You did?
- Jack Benny: Yeah, well here, put this in the drawer so it won't get lost. When we get home, I'll need this to get Polly back.
- Rochester Van Jones: Boss, a pawn ticket?
- Jack Benny: She'll be well fed and taken care of. That's the law.
- Jack Benny: Oh, you're going all the way to Chicago?
- Mr. Kitzel: Yes, and I can see my wife's face now, whoo! will she be surprised!
- Jack Benny: Oh, she doesn't know you're coming?
- Mr. Kitzel: She doesn't know I'm going.
- Station Master: Attention Please! Attention! The train for Anaheim, Azusa, and Cuc... amunga will be delayed indefinitely. Definitely is two miles this side of cuc... amunga.
- Rochester Van Jones: Uh oh!
- Jack Benny: What's the matter?
- Rochester Van Jones: I can't fasten the suitcase, the lock is broken.
- Jack Benny: Go out on the back porch and bring some rope.
- Rochester Van Jones: Yes
- Jack Benny: You know, Don, I'm going to take my violin with me because I'll... you know I'll have three days on the train to practice.
- Rochester Van Jones: Say boss, on second thought, if you gonna play your violin, we'd better not have any rope around.
- Jack Benny: Oh Mister... Mister.
- Ticket Agent: YYYesss?
- Jack Benny: Are you the ticket agent?
- Ticket Agent: If I'm not, I made two thousand dollars today.