- God: People manage to believe in me, even though they have no idea what I am; they trust me even in the silence.
- Joan: I thought we were going with monotheism.
- Twin-Girl God: I'm impressed you know what that is.
- Joan: Why are you torturing me? And don't say I'm torturing myself.
- Twin-Girl God: Sometimes it's hard to believe what you see, so you have to trust the world behind your eyes,
- Joan: There's a world behind my eyes? Great, because this one isn't enough trouble.
- Twin-Girl God: People manage to believe in me, even though they have no idea what I am, they trust me even in the silence.
- Joan: OK. Can you take care of the rash and the barfing? Save the haiku for another time.
- [Twin-Girls combine into one]
- Joan: Very Matrix.
- Twin-Girl God: Go to the doctor. You're sick.
- Helen Girardi: [In a dream, Helen finds herself alone in a dark church] Look, here's the thing. You can't let my son die. You just can't. I know I haven't been good, but that's no reason to punish him. Take me, instead. Just don't punish him for what I've done wrong.
- Cute Boy God: [Cute Boy God appears in the pew behind Helen] Do you think that's how I work, Helen?
- Cute Boy God: [Helen turns around] Who are you?
- Cute Boy God: I'm God.
- Helen Girardi: As in God?
- [He nods]
- Helen Girardi: Burning bush, Tower of Babel, Ten Commandments, God?
- Cute Boy God: I've been through this, with your daughter.
- Helen Girardi: What does my daughter have to do with this?
- Cute Boy God: Everything.
- Helen Girardi: I was talking to a priest today. I'm telling you now; I w... I wasn't gonna hide it. Do you want to hear what a priest said?
- Will Girardi: Was it a handsome priest?
- Helen Girardi: Not as handsome as you.
- Will Girardi: Go on.
- Helen Girardi: He said that we go through times of consolation and desolation. Consolation is when... things are flowing and everything makes sense and... you feel connected, and... you're aware that God is present and... has plans for you, maybe... even likes you a little bit. You remember that?
- Will Girardi: Sometimes.
- Helen Girardi: Desolation is the other thing. When you are... scared... and confused and alone and out of step and your cell phone doesn't work and... your daughter gets sick, and... the cops come to the door and say there's been an accident. God... retreats, and... you're left with your own thoughts, and those thoughts are dark. There are answers there, he told me. And strength.
- Will Girardi: How long does desolation last?
- Helen Girardi: As long as it needs to.
- Grace Polk: Why did you give me that rock?
- Luke Girardi: It's a geode.
- Grace Polk: To me, it's a rock. Why?
- Luke Girardi: It was a-a gesture... of friendship. Possibly courtship.
- Grace Polk: Courtship? That went out with the corset or the Walkman, or something.
- Luke Girardi: I don't follow trends.
- Grace Polk: Did you break up with Glynis because of me?
- Luke Girardi: Of course not. Don't be ridiculous.
- Grace Polk: Okay, I won't, because that would be ridiculous. So let's not go there.
- Luke Girardi: Right.
- [she turns to leave]
- Luke Girardi: Why is that ridiculous?
- Grace Polk: I'm friends with your sister.
- Luke Girardi: Right.
- Grace Polk: I'm older than you.
- Luke Girardi: A year. Eight months, actually.
- Grace Polk: I have a reputation. I've worked hard to build it. Do you know what my reputation is?
- Luke Girardi: You hate me?
- Grace Polk: I'm anti.
- Luke Girardi: Okay. Anti what?
- Grace Polk: What have you got?
- Luke Girardi: So, you're never gonna fall in love.
- Grace Polk: I'm never even gonna fall in like. And I'm certainly not going to be courted by some rocket-head geek. I mean, if it got around school that you were giving me things?
- Luke Girardi: What do you care what people think? I mean, if you're anti. You know, shouldn't you like the idea of us if you're so anti?
- Grace Polk: I'm not that anti.
- Luke Girardi: Oh, so you're moderately anti.
- Grace Polk: Look, geek...
- Luke Girardi: And besides, you know, love is irrational. It's like this anesthetic goes off in your brain eliminating all reason so the act of procreation can occur.
- Grace Polk: Hey, hey.
- Luke Girardi: It's a natural state of imbalance built into the whole system, you know? A chemical reaction necessary to the conditions required for Darwinistic...
- Grace Polk: Look, I am not into you, got it?
- Luke Girardi: Right.
- [after a pause, they start to kiss]
- Helen Girardi: I dreamt about Him.
- Father Ken Mallory: What'd He look like?
- Helen Girardi: Teenage boy.
- Father Ken Mallory: Oh. I haven't had that one.
- Helen Girardi: So you've dreamed about Him, too?
- Father Ken Mallory: Yes. He usually looks like the Gorton fisherman.
- [off Helen's look of confusion]
- Father Ken Mallory: I like boats.
- Helen Girardi: So... it's however we want to see Him.
- Father Ken Mallory: Or Her.
- Helen Girardi: But why would I want Him to be a teenage boy?
- Father Ken Mallory: Well, did he look anything like Kevin? That could be why.
- Helen Girardi: Look, here's what I really need to know. Um... was it really Him, or was it just... a dream?
- Father Ken Mallory: I don't know, Helen. I mean, I know what I choose to believe.
- Helen Girardi: Not Freud?
- Father Ken Mallory: [amused laugh] Freud... Freud did a lot of cocaine. That doesn't mean he was wrong about everything. It's just... the real question, Helen, is do you want it to be God?
- Helen Girardi: And that's all it takes?
- Father Ken Mallory: No. That's where it starts.
- Joan's Doctor: Lyme disease, caused by a tick bite. Could have been lying dormant in her system for a long time. The rash on her leg gave it away, which is fortunate, 'cause sometimes the rash is overlooked, and the symptoms of this disease are misdiagnosed.
- Helen Girardi: How?
- Joan's Doctor: Manifests in subtle ways at first. Moodiness, extreme changes in behavior.
- Luke Girardi: That's every girl. They're all infected.
- [Grace gives him a dirty look]
- Joan's Doctor: But later on, it becomes more serious. Scattered thinking, lack of concentration, and eventually aural, even visual, hallucinations. Sometimes people are misdiagnosed as being mentally ill.
- Grace Polk: This is clearing up a lot for me.
- Ruth Washington: My mother always said I was too mean to die. I guess she wasn't far off.
- Will Girardi: Mrs. Washington, I was there when were shot. You had no heartbeat. I saw you... leave.
- Ruth Washington: Let's clear up this Walter business. 'Cause that girl Denise is crazy. She's attacked him with a butcher knife a dozen times. He never calls the police. Says he loves her.
- Will Girardi: Walter will get his day in court. He'll have a chance to explain.
- Ruth Washington: Yeah, but they won't look for the scars.
- Will Girardi: What scars?
- Ruth Washington: Check his arms, his chest. Knife cuts; they'll be there. She does it every time. I'd feel better if you wrote this down.
- Will Girardi: I'll remember.
- Joan: [dabbing lotion on a rash on her leg] Great. Leprosy. Just in time for summer.
- Luke Girardi: It's probably a staph infection you picked up in the locker room. Ooh. Very tenacious. Calamine's not gonna do it.
- Joan: Hey, sometimes science should be seen and not heard.
- Kevin Girardi: Legs are overrated. Take it from an expert; you can still get laid.
- Joan: Do boys have to talk?
- Helen Girardi: Sorry, I'm running behind. Who wants pancakes?
- Kevin Girardi: We're already eating, mom.
- Helen Girardi: Eating what?
- Kevin Girardi: Day-old burrito for me. Luke has some fish sticks, and Joan has some corn chips.
- Joan: Bean dip. Protein.
- Helen Girardi: You're all gonna get scurvy.
- Luke Girardi: Joan already has it.
- Helen Girardi: [seeing Joan's rash] What is that?
- Joan: It's God's idea of a cruel joke. "Last day of school, party in the quad, everybody wearing miniskirts. Let's give Joan herpes."
- Helen Girardi: Well, you look cute in jeans.
- Will Girardi: What's the synopsis?
- Sergeant Toni Williams: Just your average domestic dispute. Guy with a nine-millimeter to his wife's head asking for his mommy.
- Det. Carlisle: We brought him in. He started to calm down. Suddenly, the guy goes nuts. He grabs the uniform's gun. Here we are.
- Will Girardi: Walter! I'm Detective Will Girardi. I'd like to work something out, if we can.
- Walter Washington: What the hell are you, some kind of hostage negotiator?
- Will Girardi: Walter, I'm the guy who's gonna get you out of here, if you'll let me.
- Walter Washington: Oh, yeah, like out of the frying pan and into the fire. You'll decide what I'm about, and you'll put me away, and I won't get a chance.
- Will Girardi: All of that can be discussed at length. Just put the gun down before someone gets hurt.
- Denise Washington: And I am pregnant, too!
- Will Girardi: [quietly] Oh, boy.
- Sergeant Toni Williams: [sarcastic] You're doing great.
- Walter Washington: Wh-where the hell is my mother?
- Det. Carlisle: She's on the way.
- Will Girardi: Walter, she's on the way. Just hang in there.
- [to Williams]
- Will Girardi: I want my mother.
- Sergeant Toni Williams: Who doesn't?
- Grace Polk: What's with the flea bites? STD already? I thought there was an incubation period.
- Joan: A little louder, please.
- Grace Polk: You seem kind of sweaty.
- Joan: All this blatant flattery. I feel really great about myself.
- Grace Polk: Does this have anything to do with... the do?
- Joan: What "do"?
- Grace Polk: That you did with Rove.
- Joan: But I didn't.
- Grace Polk: Everybody knows about the hotel.
- Friedman: [passing by] Congratulations, and thank you for putting the sub-defectives on the map.
- Joan: Whoa. Nothing happened, okay? Adam just... cleaned the carpet.
- Friedman: I like. And the carpet seems very shiny today.
- Joan: [softly slapping him] You pig!
- Joan: I don't feel so good.
- Grace Polk: Friedman is a termite. Come on, buck up. You can't miss the Liberation Festival on the lawn. Student/faculty egg and spoon race, hmm? Who needs drugs?
- Joan: Uh, I feel kind of dizzy.
- Friedman: And hot.
- Joan: Shut it!
- Friedman: I mean... I meant hot.
- Joan: Okay, I'm-I'm gonna do some vomiting. I'll be back.
- Joan: [sick in the school bathroom] Ugh. Barfing, rash, last day of school. You're a real party in a box.
- Joan: Oh, I'm sick.
- Luke Girardi: Why don't you find mom and go home?
- Joan: I went to the office and they said she'd left, and I can't find Adam.
- Grace Polk: Oh, look, they made it three-legged this year. Inspired choice, tying yourself to a faculty member. I've had that dream.
- Luke Girardi: I need to find Adam.
- Luke Girardi: Hornsby's the one to beat. Three-year reigning champion.
- Grace Polk: The typing teacher? He's, like, 80.
- Joan: Where is he? Is he at the library?
- Grace Polk: Are you talking to your little invisible friend?
- Gavin Price: So, who wants a shot at beating Hornsby? He's going down. Ms. Polk, here's your chance to humiliate a faculty member.
- Grace Polk: Oh, they don't need my help.
- Mascot God: You should do it.
- Joan: What?
- Mascot God: Be in the race.
- Joan: But you said go to the doctor.
- Mascot God: I say a lot of things.
- Joan: Okay... was that you in the bathroom?
- Mascot God: It's me here now, and that's the point. My name is "I am", not "I was".
- Joan: What's going on?
- Nigerian Doctor God: You're in the hospital. The doctor will see you. Then you'll know what's wrong.
- Joan: Why are you acting so mysterious all of a sudden?
- Nigerian Doctor God: I've always been mysterious. Without it, there is no faith. And we love faith.
- Joan: Whose faith?
- Nigerian Doctor God: Lie down. You're feverish.