Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)
Book of Questions (2004)
Christy Carlson Romano: Officious Hall Monitor God
Quotes
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Officious Hall Monitor God : [posting grief counseling flyers] Someone keeps ripping these down.
Joan Girardi : Oh, snippy God. Well, I don't need to go whine.
Officious Hall Monitor God : Other people might.
Joan Girardi : Maybe you should have a question-and-answer session. Ask the Almighty. I'd show up for that one.
Officious Hall Monitor God : You wanna know why she died, why it had to be Judith.
Joan Girardi : Uh, yeah. You wanted me to live in the present, but you know what? Here in the present, Judith's death is with me all the time.
Officious Hall Monitor God : [looking at Grace's bat mitzvah invitation] I wish you could have seen the baby picture, Joan. Adorable! She had these little chubby cheeks.
Joan Girardi : Could we focus?
Officious Hall Monitor God : I'm always focused. Grace seems a little scattered, though. You should help her get through this.
Joan Girardi : It... it's a Jewish thing, okay? I'm not really the point person for Jewish.
Officious Hall Monitor God : Help her, Joan.
Joan Girardi : [watching her leave] Hey! What... what about Judith?
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Joan Girardi : Huh. Can't the Almighty Creator take a break? Come on. Who's gonna yell at you?
Officious Hall Monitor God : What could I say? Lots to do, lots to do.
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Joan Girardi : I so helped Grace out with her dress. She was gonna wear this seriously nasty green that was totally wrong for her skin tone. I am all over this bat mitzvah thing.
Officious Hall Monitor God : [holding up a styrofoam cup] You know plutonium decomposes quicker than these? Sometimes I think all I do is ask humanity to clean up its room.
Joan Girardi : Shouldn't God listen?
Officious Hall Monitor God : I multitask. If I didn't, well... you wouldn't wanna know.
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Joan Girardi : You know, I knew nothing about Judaism before. I don't think I could ever learn Hebrew, especially not while I'm taking French.
Officious Hall Monitor God : Try being Hindu and learning Sanskrit.
Joan Girardi : Why did you make so many religions, anyway? I mean, wouldn't it be easier if everybody just had the same one?
Officious Hall Monitor God : Well, there's so many different people. They all need a different way of relating to me. And that's what religions are, different ways to share the same truth.
Joan Girardi : And the truth is...?
[God leaves without answering]
Joan Girardi : Come on, I helped Grace. Cut me some slack! Just one answer!