- Joan Girardi: I got an A+.
- Judith Montgomery: Cool. Do you think I should get purple streaks in my hair?
- Joan Girardi: No, no, you don't understand. I got an A+ in economics.
- Judith Montgomery: I was within reach of a B. Ish. Purple and red?
- Joan Girardi: I didn't even know you could get 105. I'm more than perfect.
- Judith Montgomery: I don't really matter right now, do I?
- Mascot God: A+. Way to go, Joan.
- Joan Girardi: Thanks. You didn't, like, pull any strings for me, did you?
- Mascot God: It was all you. Feels good to do a good job, doesn't it?
- Joan Girardi: Yeah. Economics is so complicated, but I just... I got it, you know? Adam Smith, very cool dead guy. He says economies function best when based on self-interest. Kind of gives you a moral headbutt, huh?
- Mascot God: It's easy to establish economic principles on paper.
- Joan Girardi: Are you saying it was easy to write this essay? "In an economy run by self-interest, the invisible hand of social justice will feed and clothe everyone." Look, she wrote "great" with two exclamation points and a happy face.
- Mascot God: What are you going to do with all that knowledge? The trick is putting it into action.
- Joan Girardi: It's economics. What, do you want me to start my own country?
- Mascot God: Start a little closer to home. Maybe make sure
- [yelling through his cone]
- Mascot God: everyone gets a piece of the pie!
- Joan Girardi: [he leaves] Way to make an "A" a bummer. God!
- Grace Polk: Dude, it's like a pet cemetery in here.
- Luke Girardi: Lischak gave me the key. Science Student of the Year does have its privileges.
- Grace Polk: This is so the beginning of a Stephen King novel.
- Will Girardi: I felt like seeing my wife. That's not a crime. I know these things.
- Helen Girardi: Hmm. Last time you brought me lunch at work, I spent a month packing dishes.
- Will Girardi: We're not moving, I promise.
- Joan Girardi: Find any more treasure?
- Judith Montgomery: Just ratty sweaters and some tighty-whities. Who donates old underpants?
- Joan Girardi: Look, I don't have enough cash. He's gonna put that thing on eBay in, like, an hour.
- Judith Montgomery: Chill. He'll cough it up for me.
- Joan Girardi: Judith, it's Friedman. He's the Ebola virus in tube socks.
- Judith Montgomery: So? You get to spend more time with Adam, I get to knock the rust off my flirtation skills.
- Will Girardi: I convinced Helen we have to counter-sue. I probably shouldn't celebrate, but after rolling over for so long...
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: No explanation necessary. Listen, if you need any help, I...
- Will Girardi: Thanks. I think we're in good shape now.
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: All right. Well, I'm just putting it out there because I have a friend in Chicago who found out some things.
- Will Girardi: Things?
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: Andy's father, Tim Baker, owned a small company.
- Will Girardi: Baker and Burke. They make shipping containers.
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: Yeah. Well, it's just Burke now. I talked to somebody at the Illinois State Securities Department.
- Will Girardi: About this?
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: Well, he's an old friend. We were just catching up, you know, and I mentioned Baker's name. I really don't even remember how it came up. Anyway, it seems that there were some tax questions surrounding this company when it went public, and you can see that back here on these sheets that I got from the SEC.
- Will Girardi: You have a lot of friends.
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: They suspect that Baker cooked the books trying to avoid taxes, and his partner threatened to report him. Why else would a man walk away from a business after twenty years? And I'll bet he might walk again if he knew you had this.
- Will Girardi: So, all of this just came up in a conversation with old buddies.
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: Hey, I'm a cop. How many times do you get the chance to squash the bad guy before he hurts some good people?
- Will Girardi: Next time, you should talk to me first.
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: Yeah. But you would have just said no.
- Bad Stand-Up Comedian God: It's a comedy club. Shouldn't you be smiling, Joan?
- Joan Girardi: [sarcastic] Yeah, my life is a Will Ferrell movie.
- Bad Stand-Up Comedian God: Well, it's always darkest before the dawn. And if you're planning to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Joan Girardi: Finally, something you're not good at.
- Bad Stand-Up Comedian God: Hey, your brother liked me.
- Joan Girardi: I was using what I learned. Isn't that what you wanted me to do?
- Bad Stand-Up Comedian God: [handing her a dollar bill] Here. What does this say?
- Joan Girardi: In you we trust.
- Bad Stand-Up Comedian God: You stopped trusting. You wanted more and more...
- Joan Girardi: So money is the root of all evil.
- Bad Stand-Up Comedian God: Acutally, the real quote is "Love of money is the root of all evil."
- Joan Girardi: Why didn't you just make everybody rich?
- Bad Stand-Up Comedian God: How you see the world, how you deal with it, that determines your real wealth.