- Maya Gallo: Is Erlene the one who's married to the sharecropper?
- Nina Van Horn: No, that's Lurlene, and they're divorced now. The weed killer he was using made him grow breasts.
- Erlene Noodleman, Nina's Sister: Excuse me? I'm looking for Nina Van Horn? I'm her sister Erlene.
- Dennis Finch: Well, well, well. You must be dusty from your travels. May I give you a sponge bath? I'm 70% kidding.
- Jack Gallo: Yesterday, during my announcement, someone booed me. That stung. And I have one thing to say to that booer: thank you. Thank you for making me realize that I was out of touch with you and your needs. So henceforth, that door is always open.
- Dennis Finch: Wow, I think that was the wisest, most mature thing you have ever done.
- Jack Gallo: And so the trap is set.
- Dennis Finch: What?
- Jack Gallo: I did that to put the booer at ease, and now he's going to come to me. And when he does, that's when I'll have him.
- [Laughs]
- Dennis Finch: Should I book you a cell with the Riddler and the Penguin?
- Erlene Noodleman, Nina's Sister: [arm wrestling Elliot] Come on, you don't want to lose in front of this little lady.
- Maya Gallo: We're not together anymore.
- Erlene Noodleman, Nina's Sister: Well, in that case...
- [beats Elliot]
- Erlene Noodleman, Nina's Sister: Are you really that insecure?
- Nina Van Horn: I've had five husbands and four noses.
- Maya Gallo: Erlene wants to see some museums, so we're taking her on a little tour.
- Erlene Noodleman, Nina's Sister: I really want to see the Frick.
- Nina Van Horn: The frick? I'm sorry, but someone made that up to fool you into saying something naughty.
- Elliot DiMauro: Actually, there is a Frick Museum.
- Nina Van Horn: Oh, the Frick! I thought you meant the Keister Museum.
- Erlene Noodleman, Nina's Sister: [in bed with Dennis] That was incredible. I thought I was a woman before, but after that, I don't think any man can compare with... compare with... I'm sorry, can we cut?
- Dennis Finch: What's the matter, baby?
- Erlene Noodleman, Nina's Sister: Can anyone buy this? I mean, look at me... look at him.
- Dennis Finch: Hey!
- Erlene Noodleman, Nina's Sister: No offence.
- Dennis Finch: None taken. But you were into it. A guy can tell.
- Maya Gallo: I'm really sorry about this. He's been paying off the writers to put him in these kind of scenes. Earlier in the season he was with two lesbian boxers.
- Erlene Noodleman, Nina's Sister: I don't really watch the show.
- Maya Gallo: And there was this episode where I was in a baby doll...
- [They walk away, leaving Dennis alone]
- Dennis Finch: Yeah, and that's the way it's gonna stay! Can somebody hand me my pants?