Just Shoot Me! (TV Series)

Steamed (1998)

Wendie Malick: Nina Van Horn

Photos 

Quotes 

• Nina Van Horn : Denial is not just a river in England.

• Nina Van Horn : Greta will be here any minute, and I'm working on the perfect first impression pose.

  Elliot DiMauro : You look awkward. Here, lift your arm up. Good. Your other arm, raise it... more... more. Perfect. Now repeat after me: I'm a little teapot, short and stout...

• Nina Van Horn : What a waste. A tremendously round waste.

  Elliot DiMauro : What is wrong with you? I think Greta is terrific.

  Nina Van Horn : That woman isn't Greta, that woman swallowed Greta. God, I feel like prying her jaws open and shouting, "Climb, Greta! Climb up to the light!"

• Elliot DiMauro : [noticing the cold mask Nina is wearing]  Another twelve martini night?

  Nina Van Horn : No, thanks. I have plans.

• Nina Van Horn : Back in the 70s Greta and I were like twins, soulmates, two sticks of dynamite. Why, at Studio 54 we were known as B.J. and the Bear.

  Elliot DiMauro : Who was who?

  Nina Van Horn : Well, Greta was the Bear because she always wore this slinky fur coat, and I was B.J. because I always wore blue jeans. Wait, no I didn't.

• Nina Van Horn : Greta, if you had something on the side of your mouth, would you want me to tell you?

  Greta Larson : Of course.

  Nina Van Horn : Okay. You're hugely fat.

• Nina Van Horn : Greta's always been prettier than me. Now it's my chance to show her up. I had my teeth whitened, my hair darkened, and I had Botox injected into my forehead. The only way she can look better than me is if she spent the last twenty years locked in a freezer.

  Greta Larson : [exits the elevator; she's gotten fat]  Nina?

  Nina Van Horn : ...eating Eskimo Pies.

• Elliot DiMauro : [about Greta]  I think she's beautiful.

  Nina Van Horn : Oh, my God, she's right behind me, isn't she?

  Elliot DiMauro : No, I mean it. You ever studied Renaissance art? The women in those paintings are all large and rounded.

  Nina Van Horn : That was for survival. If you were fat, you could float, and if you could float, you weren't a witch. For God's sake, read your Bible.