- Nina Van Horn: Just think, everyone thought I would wind up a man-chasing boozehound. Well, I showed them!
- [she leaves]
- Elliot DiMauro: What, no comeback? That was a gimme.
- Dennis Finch: I don't go for cheap shots. Remember that, baldy.
- Jack Gallo: Let's see, airbrush that blemish, perk up her breasts, and give her a tan.
- Elliot DiMauro: Got it. And this is for which piece?
- Jack Gallo: "The Natural Look is Back."
- Elliot DiMauro: What the hell is going on?
- Maya Gallo: They canceled Nina Van Horn Day.
- Elliot DiMauro: What? Why?
- Maya Gallo: [crying] Apparently one of my underground films from the '70s appeared in the Video Barn. Now they say I'm setting a bad example.
- Maya Gallo: Some close-minded people can be a little uptight about a little nudity.
- Nina Van Horn: ...and other stuff.
- Elliot DiMauro: What is going on here?
- Jack Gallo: The ring got stuck on his toe.
- Dennis Finch: There's a simple explanation for this.
- Elliot DiMauro: Really? I can't wait to hear it.
- Dennis Finch: I was in the tub, and I was pretending that my feet were getting married to each other.
- Jack Gallo: Then he called me and I came over to help.
- Dennis Finch: It could have happened to anyone.
- Elliot DiMauro: Oh, yeah? Name one time.
- Elliot DiMauro: I think it happened on an "ER."
- Dennis Finch: I saw that one. It really brought the hospital together.
- Jack Gallo: They're a very tight-knit group.
- Elliot DiMauro: Will you please stop it?
- Jack Gallo: I can't believe it. My little girl is getting married.
- Dennis Finch: You still have me, Jack.
- Dennis Finch: Jack, we need one more headline for this month's issue.
- Jack Gallo: Perfect! I am the king of this. What's it for?
- Dennis Finch: The new spring hair styles.
- Jack Gallo: How about, "Hair ye! Hair ye! Spring is hair!"? Why aren't you writing it down?
- Dennis Finch: Frankly, you can do better.
- Jack Gallo: How about this? "Hair, there, everywhere."
- Dennis Finch: Keep trying.
- Jack Gallo: All right, what would you write?
- Dennis Finch: Ummm... make it about orgasms, leave out the hair.
- Jack Gallo: There's nothing more I can teach you.
- Elliot DiMauro: Jack, I need to tell you something.
- Jack Gallo: I'm reading this article about body language.
- Elliot DiMauro: It's about...
- Jack Gallo: Wait! Don't tell me. Let me guess. Your hands are clasped, your head is low... You want to ask me out to lunch.
- Elliot DiMauro: I want to propose to Maya.
- Jack Gallo: Wow, I was way off.
- Nina Van Horn: The mayor of Colby wants to name a silo after me. I don't know if it's grain or missile, but either way, it's really quite humbling.
- [Jack, Nina and Dennis are watching Elliot and Maya from the bar]
- Jack Gallo: I think maybe we should actually leave.
- Nina Van Horn: Nonsense. Elliot and Maya would want us to stay.
- Dennis Finch: I can't see this magical moment.
- Nina Van Horn: Fine. Barkeep, bring us another phone book.
- Elliot DiMauro: Is there going to be a parade?
- Nina Van Horn: Yes. It's going up Main Street and down the other one.
- Elliot DiMauro: I'm asking for magic, and I'm getting diddly. Nothing is going right.
- Jack Gallo: Why? What else happened?
- Elliot DiMauro: Nina's with us.
- Jack Gallo: Well, that's not very romantic.
- Elliot DiMauro: Congratulations, you're a proud graduate of the School of the Blatantly Obvious.