- Jack Gallo: Dennis, what's that smell I like?
- Dennis Finch: Meadow after a rain storm?
- Jack Gallo: That's it.
- Dennis Finch: Any gift given to a co-worker over a hundred bucks comes with the understanding that the giver wants to give it to the givee.
- Dennis' Shoulder Devil: Hey, switch the cards. It'll be hilarious.
- [Dennis looks at his other shoulder]
- Dennis' Shoulder Devil: What are you looking for?
- Dennis Finch: Isn't there supposed to be an angel over here?
- Dennis' Shoulder Devil: Are you Dennis Finch?
- Dennis Finch: Yes.
- Dennis' Shoulder Devil: Then no. Do it!
- Nina Van Horn: Here. Open it, open it.
- Elliot DiMauro: What could this be?
- [opens present]
- Elliot DiMauro: Oh, vodka. Thank you, Nina.
- Nina Van Horn: [holding a tumbler] Open it, open it!
- Nina Van Horn: There is something I haven't told you about me.
- Jack Gallo: I find that hard to believe.
- Jack Gallo: Dennis, let me offer you a piece of advice that will help you as you travel through that long road of life: never buy a racehorse with Robert Goulet.
- Dennis Finch: Thanks for the tip, Yoda.
- Nina Van Horn: Back on the farm I discovered, at an early age, that I had a talent. I'm what they call a... horse calmer-downer.
- Nina Van Horn: What are you doing?
- Dennis Finch: Sorting Jack's M&Ms. He doesn't like the blue ones. He says they're unnatural.
- Nina Van Horn: [after talking to Jack's racehorse] Your precious race is on, Jack.
- Jack Gallo: How do you know?
- Nina Van Horn: He spoke to me.
- Jack Gallo: Well, if he told you I ate one of his apples, he's a liar.
- Maya Gallo: This time I think I've really outdone myself. I got Elliot a great present.
- Dennis Finch: You mean like soap?
- Maya Gallo: It wasn't just soap. It was soap of the month.
- Dennis Finch: Yeah, twelve timely reminders that your present sucks.
- [Elliot finds the sex toys that he thinks came from Maya]
- Jack Gallo: What she get ya?
- Elliot DiMauro: Socks. Just socks.
- Jack Gallo: Socks? Cool! What kind?
- Elliot DiMauro: Tube socks.
- Jack Gallo: Tube socks? Do they come with stripes?
- Elliot DiMauro: Sure, whatever.
- Jack Gallo: Do they have that little padding on the heel?
- Elliot DiMauro: Back off, Jack! They're just stupid socks!
- Jack Gallo: Make a note: Elliot hates socks.
- Dennis Finch: [looking at the sex toys] Oh, my God! Is this some sort of gag?
- Elliot DiMauro: No, she said it's for real.
- Dennis Finch: No, this leather thing. Is it some sort of gag?