- Maya Gallo: I was thinking it would be fun to do an article on lost loves. I mean, everyone's got a story about the one that got away.
- Dennis Finch: I don't.
- Nina Van Horn: Trust me, dear, you will.
- Bouncer: Hold on there, buddy. You can't go it.
- Dennis Finch: That's my wife in there.
- Bouncer: Who, Adrienne Barker?
- Dennis Finch: Yeah. I'm her husband.
- Bouncer: Yeah, right.
- Dennis Finch: No, it's true. We just got married.
- Bouncer: Just now, in your head? Beat it.
- Nina Van Horn: You know, it's ironic. The very night I ruined Elliot's once chance at true love was the same night I hit him with my car.
- Maya Gallo: That's not ironic, that's what happened.
- Nina Van Horn: So true.
- Jack Gallo: Does anyone have any new ideas? Come on, dazzle me.
- Dennis Finch: How about this? Put Adrienne and me on the cover and write a story about our marriage.
- Jack Gallo: Dennis, I like that idea. Here's what'll make me love it. We keep Adrienne, lose you and the romance angle. Okay, that's one for me.
- Nina Van Horn: Do you by any chance remember that story Elliot told about being hit by a car?
- Maya Gallo: Yes, Nina, that was twenty minutes ago.
- Nina Van Horn: Elliot, just hear me out and I'll be out of your life forever, except for the fifty hours a week we work together.
- Bob Whiteman: I think we should go downtown.
- Dennis Finch: Come on, there's gotta be away we can take care of this right here.
- Bob Whiteman: You can start by telling me her birthday.
- Dennis Finch: June 10.
- Bob Whiteman: August 4.
- Dennis Finch: I'll get my coat.
- Bob Whiteman: And who are you?
- Jack Gallo: Jack Gallo, and these two aren't saying another word until I get a lawyer down here.
- Bob Whiteman: Gallo. Your name is mentioned a lot on their wedding announcement.
- Jack Gallo: That's right.
- Bob Whiteman: You're an extremely wealthy man.
- Jack Gallo: Thank you. You're very kind.
- Bob Whiteman: I'm guessing you have a staff of, say, three?
- Jack Gallo: Four, and a driver.
- Bob Whiteman: And I assume all their papers are in order?
- Jack Gallo: Why you arrogant little pissant. Do you have any idea who you're dealing with? Do you know what I can do to you with one phone call? Mark my words, I will be back.
- [Leaves]
- Adrienne Barker: How long do you think he'll be?
- Dennis Finch: He's not coming back.
- Jack Gallo: Look no further, I have just the story for you. As usual, my name will be changed to Jeffrey.
- Maya Gallo: Got it.
- Jack Gallo: I first met her in Shanghai. She was beautiful. Jet black hair. Velvet skin. Toes like peanuts.
- Elliot DiMauro: So what happened?
- Jack Gallo: I sleep with her one night, and she went off with another man. "Love you long time." There's a lie.
- Elliot DiMauro: I too have a story, but it doesn't take place in the Far East. It takes place right here, in the heart.
- Dennis Finch: As usual, his name will be changed to Lisa.
- Bob Whiteman: You really do love him.
- Adrienne Barker: That's right.
- Dennis Finch: And I love her.
- Bob Whiteman: Yeah, yeah, I can see that. But if you love him, why not me? I mean, I'm funny, I'm caring, and I've been told I give a good hand massage. Sure, I may not be a great catch, but clearly that's not what you're after. I really think we can make it work! Come on, why not me? Why not agent Bob Whiteman?
- Agent: Bob! A word, please?
- Bob Whiteman: Well, it's not fault of yours, but it's fair to say I'm in big trouble.
- Maya Gallo: You ran over Elliot with your car?
- Nina Van Horn: I didn't know it was him. The guy I hit was face down and twitching.
- Maya Gallo: And you just left him there?
- Nina Van Horn: I called the police, but the General insisted we left. He wanted to oppress his people and needed our country's support.
- Elliot DiMauro: It's ironic, but you running me over that night may have been the best thing that ever happened to me.
- Nina Van Horn: Elliot, that's not ironic, that's what happened.