L.A. Law (TV Series)
Great Balls Afire (1992)
Jill Eikenberry: Ann Kelsey
Photos
Quotes
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Arnie Becker : Well, so far this alleged daughter hasn't filed yet. She'll probably threaten to go public to force a settlement.
Ann Kelsey : That's blackmail.
Arnie Becker : Oh, absolutely. Look, this Gorman is a bottom feeder. I wouldn't be surprised if he manipulated this girl into filing suit. He may even try to get appointed her guardian.
Ann Kelsey : So, we're looking at fraud here.
Arnie Becker : Probably. But they've done some homework. Stuart... You did know this woman? Karen Alder?
Stuart Markowitz : Yep, I - I dated her for, like, uh, 3 months.
Arnie Becker : And you did go to bed with her?
Stuart Markowitz : Yes. It was a casual thing. Well, I wasn't a monk.
Ann Kelsey : I never said you were.
Arnie Becker : Okay, the good news is the girl is 16, the most she can ask for is 2 years support until she reaches her majority.
Stuart Markowitz : What's the bad news?
Arnie Becker : California child support guidelines state that a child must be supported in a fashion commensurate with the father's wealth.
Ann Kelsey : Oh, God.
Arnie Becker : Giving your net annual salary, uh, I could see her going for, what, 6,000 a month for 2 years? You're looking at a $150,000 hit here.
Stuart Markowitz : If this really were my daughter, why didn't the mother contact me for support?
Ann Kelsey : Exactly.
Arnie Becker : Relax. They overlooked one thing.
Stuart Markowitz : What?
Arnie Becker : Your sperm count is so low, it can be measured in fractions. Their case is real shaky.
Stuart Markowitz : Great, that makes me feel really wonderful.
Ann Kelsey : So, what do we do?
Arnie Becker : The easiest way to get rid of this: DNA tests. But it probably won't come to that. Look, Gorman is a K-mart lawyer. If I go at him at Warp 10 and I don't let up, I might intimidate him right back into the woodwork.
Ann Kelsey : Good, because if he thinks we're going to roll over for this kind of extortion, he is dead wrong.
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Ann Kelsey : Be aggressive, Arnie, I want vintage Becker.
Arnie Becker : Please, Anne.
[Arnie open the door to get to the proceedings]
Arnie Becker : Good Morning.
Barry Gorman : Mr. Markowitz.
[Mr. Gorman shaking hands with Stuart Markowitz]
Barry Gorman : Mr. Becker.
[And Mr. Gorman shaking hands with Arnie Becker]
Stuart Markowitz : This is my wife, Ann Kelsey.
Ann Kelsey : Mr. Gorman.
Barry Gorman : I'd like you both to meet my client, Sarah Alder.
[Sarah meets is Ann Kelsey and Stuart Markowitz]
Sarah Alder : Hi.
Ann Kelsey : Hello.
Sarah Alder : [Sarah shaking hands with Stuart] Hi.
Stuart Markowitz : Hi
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Arnie Becker : Let's get started. First thing I'd like to know is what you're doing representing a minor.
Barry Gorman : It so happens, Counselor, that I'm planning on seeking guardianship for this young lady.
Arnie Becker : You know, the only thing that stinks here worse than your case, Counselor, is your ethics.
Barry Gorman : Let's drop the animosity, shall we?
Arnie Becker : You haven't even seen animosity, Mr. Gorman. It's highly unlikely that this girl is Mr. Markowitz's daughter. These medical records from his urologist can attest. You're leveling flimsy charges against a man of high principles... and low sperm count.
Stuart Markowitz : All right, Arnie.
Ann Kelsey : She's your daughter, Stuart.
Arnie Becker : What?
Stuart Markowitz : What?
Ann Kelsey : You're the father, I can tell.
Barry Gorman : Terrific. Let's draw up some papers.
Ann Kelsey : Look at her. Look at her eyes, for God's sake, can't you see it?
Arnie Becker : I don't believe this.
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Ann Kelsey : How are we going to tell Matthew?
Stuart Markowitz : Honey, Matthew's 2 years old.
Ann Kelsey : I can't just see it now, Mother, this is Stuart's daughter by a previous relationship.
Stuart Markowitz : Now, wait a minute, we don't talk to your mother now, why should this change...
Sarah Alder : [Sarah finds out that's not true] He's not my father.
Barry Gorman : What?
Arnie Becker : What?
Sarah Alder : I'm sorry. I knew my mom have been with you. I knew you had money, that's why I came to you. But you're not my real father.
Barry Gorman : Let's not jump to any rash conclusions here.
Sarah Alder : He doesn't even look like me.
[Sarah and Stuart are not related]
Sarah Alder : I'm sorry.
[Sarah's leaving and heading home. What's wrong with Stuart Markowitz biologically paternal? And what's the matter with Ann Kelsey? She's out of her mind]
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Stuart Markowitz : I called Dr. Finkelstein. I want that DNA test.
Ann Kelsey : It'll only confirm what we already know, Stuart. She is your daughter.
Stuart Markowitz : [sighs] It's weird. I was in that room, what, 5 minutes? Most of which I spent telling myself she was a fraud. And this feeling keeps coming up. It's the same feeling I had that day we lost Kelsey.
Ann Kelsey : [sighs] What was the mother like?
Stuart Markowitz : She was... she was nice. Karen. She was... funny. She was smart.
Ann Kelsey : Was she good in bed?
Stuart Markowitz : Ann... At that point in my life, if I got a woman in bed, it was good.
Ann Kelsey : Obviously, you didn't practice safe sex.
Stuart Markowitz : No, in 1974, safe sex meant not having sex in a moving vehicle, okay?
[Ann looking weird]
Stuart Markowitz : Are you okay about this?
Ann Kelsey : It's not the mother. Or your relationship with her. It's the idea that there is a stranger out there that has some kind of claim on you.
Stuart Markowitz : She doesn't have a claim on me. She gave up whatever claim she had when she walked out that door.
Ann Kelsey : She gave it up. Does that mean you can?
Stuart Markowitz : No. No, I don't think I can.